Just to clarify

I was told yesterday that I probably ought to think about editing or deleting my last post because I sounded furious and hurt and a little bitter. There didn't seem to be any hope attached to the post and it might not be best for cyberspace to be exposed to that particular part of my life.
Just to clarify some things:
I'm not bitter. I am incredibly frustrated with a dynamic that constantly seems to be confronting me both at school and at home. No matter how hard I pray or try to get it right, it feels like I am always falling short. Or at least, not meeting people's ideals. This is then articulated as selfishness, sin, inconsiderate of me, or not allowing people to offer me accountability that I clearly need.
I'm not bitter about it I'm just very discouraged.
The argument was also put to me that ANYONE can read it. Well quite honestly I was hoping that certain people WOULD read it.
The argument that I constantly these days is hear is, 'Well, I proclaimed God's word and it will not return void.' I'm sorry but if you are so hung up on merely projecting your interpretation on how things ought to be that you don't care about the hurt and confusion you are creating, that is wrong. And I think more people need to be aware that what they are doing is not declaring some profound ideal that is mulled over and meditated on and finally convicted by. No what they are doing is creating hurt and confusing and sometimes jeopardizing relationships. I'm not just talking about me, I've seen this in others as well.
There is a time to speak. I totally agree. The flip side is that there is a time to be silent. My experience is that many of my brothers and sisters in Christ are very quick to speak and less quick to pray; both about their concern and also on what they should or shouldn't say.
Am I angry? Yes. I'm still angry because this issue isn't going away. Someone very close to me would say, 'Well what is God trying to teach you through this?'
Well... it seems to me that the lesson I need to learn is how to graciously cut people off and tell them to mind their own business - in a Christianese sort of way that is.
Yes the Holy Spirit does speak through His Church. I'm not questioning that. I just am questioning whether this is one of those instances or not. And since the issues and concerns that have been brought up are not valid because of lack of information, OR they are based off of one (of many) interpretations of Scripture, then I am choosing -prayerfully- to dismiss the feedback.
My frustration is that these are people I love and care about. I want to take what they say seriously and to heart. However it becomes a burden and takes time and energy that I honestly can't afford them right now. I am in a season of life that is demanding because I am trying to honor what my mom and dad told me I need to do: Graduate and aim for good grades. To graduate I need to do this internship, to get good grades I need to spend my brain space studying. All that equals TIME and brain space.
I don't pretend to understand all that God is doing in my life. I agree I have changed over the years. Hey guess what so has everyone else! Am I the carefree young girl I was when I first came to school? Nope. Sorry. Parents house burning down and family displaced for a month/year; serious debilitating illnesses over and over; family members dying and funerals consistently during finals week, the pressure to finish the semester well AND attend funerals AND see that people have safe housing while they travel; betrayal by some very dear friends without warning... um that sort of adds up to a sobering effect on a girl! So I have changed.

I am still passionate about ministry.
I love the Lord dearly. I know that He is with me always.
I know that He has a plan and He is faithful. He gives and takes away, though He slay me yet I will serve Him. Blessed be the Name of the Lord.
I am still striving to fulfill His will for my life as faithfully as I know how through prayer, study of His word and seeking wisdom from faithful saints who have proved their faithfulness over the years.
I am seeking to surround myself with such wise people and who are 'compatible' for future ministries; although I think the word 'compatible' is funny because if you ever look around a healthy, functioning church that actively serves the Lord corporately... well I at least am constantly amazed at the hodgepodge of people there. They would NEVER be friends apart from one common dynamic theme: Jesus. And their differences compliment each other! Is it what THEY originally thought, planned, dreamed? NO. But God knew better.
God knows best and I am trying as much as I know how to pursue that. Is it confusing? Heck yeah.
But again: ASK FIRST, pray next, get concerned/judge five steps later.

Now... should I delete the last post?
I am still thinking about it. After all, it is going to be filed away someplace and anyone can access it.
I don't know. Part of me wants to. Part of me wants to delete this post as well. Part of me wants to just pretend like everything is okay and keep listening to the 'feedback' from people and be nice and stuff it all away and pretend like it isn't there.
I mean, non-Christians and other people might see these things as well.
BUT...
Why is it so bad to be vulnerable? Why is it bad for non-believers to hear/see that we aren't perfect amongst ourselves... that a lot of the frustrations they have with the church are the same frustrations we have with the church but the Truth still remains and that is why we put up with it?
Why is it so bad for people to realize that they are being a pain in the wazoo and really hurt someone and continue to do so? if they STOP it, then it was worth it, right?
I don't know. There are certain things about me that are really private and I won't ever voice to the void. But there are other certain things that I really really really want some people to hear and understand. I've tried saying it to their face. I've tried saying it gently, forcefully, sad, happy, mad, and as a joke. Its not received. So... blog about it?
If you have an alternative I'm all ears.
Just ask questions before you start judging me about it ;-)