random thoughts on my future

Things I want to do after I graduate:

Volunteer at a Women's Choice Resource Center regularly
Have a garden
Make a quilt
Get involved in a church's children's or youth ministry
(possibly GA or Acteens)


Have a job that I enjoy going to with people I like

(I've never had both; I've either worked alone and not really had coworkers; liked the job but didn't get along at all with my coworkers, or liked my coworkers but not the job. I'd like to experience both!)

Be outside regularly
Do art regularly


Have people over for dinner often - with good friends or as ministry
Become proficient in ASL and translate for a while to see how I like it
Teach - even if its just ESL - consistently
Cook good food that I and others like

write and publish something.

(I'd really like at some point to write a biography of Lottie Moon, and take some research trips to China MAYBE, but we'll see)

Live in my own apartment/house

Yes I want to get married after I graduate.

(however, every one around me doesn't seem to understand that that will only occur on three people's timeline: God's, the guy, and me. Not anyone elses! I never ever thought I'd get this kind of pressure every time I turned around to do it on someone else's timeline, and if I didn't then Bible verses would start flung at me and my boyfriend's character questioned. Seriously? Ya'll back off!!)

I really really really don't want to go into a Master's program right away. Or maybe even ever. I'm not sure.
I really enjoy going to the deaf church, but I don't know if I would want to do that long-term. I'm just conversing, not translating at this point... so I don't know if I'd like being someone's ears. Or I might love it. I won't know until I try, which means I have to keep putting effort into it and find out.
I would want to do it one-on-one tho, not for the communication companies etc.

I really have got to start writing this research paper.
If I'm rambling and getting thoughts out of my head, then great! Words flow! Imagining about talking and walking trees and fairies, sure. Putting down correct theology and doctrine about Angels? Pphshtttt. Ha. Writer's block!
Stupid Senioritis.
(yes this blog post was simply random pictures I've taken this spring, along with random thoughts I was thinking while NOT writing my research paper. Now that they are all effectively outside my head, I can get back to work. Thank you for being the recipient of my random external processing ;-D)

Job's blessing

I am taking an "Interpreting Wisdom Literature" class and my professor is somewhat brilliant. The class lecture today was fairly profound and very helpful; I wish I had heard this two years ago, however God in His Sovereignty decided to give it to me know.

I apologize for the length, but I hope it helps and instructs and convicts you as much as it did me. Enjoy!

March 20, 2012

Epilogue of Job 42:7-17 – God tells the three friends to ask Job to pray for them because God would accept Job’s prayer on their behalf. Job was blessed and comforted from all the evil that the Lord had allowed upon him. The Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than the earlier days. The daughters are named in the text, and given an inheritance like their brothers and noted to be the most beautiful women in the land.

When you read the summary of the restoration, the extent of the wealth, the data about his age, and the length of life; the thing in Scripture closest to the way the story of Job is wrapped up, what is most like that is the summary statements about the most important of the characters in Genesis. Particularly the summary statement of the life of Jacob. With the life of Jacob being told to us in segments of his life, and then when he dies virtually the same kind of summary statement.

But to talk about this final text, Job has seen that there is an experience more exquisite and more intense than even the harshest suffering and that experience is the presence of God in Job’s life. He recognizes at the end that this is the one thing that can never be taken away. When Job saw the Lord, and the Lord spoke to them, Job realized that the realities of life are far more complicated than are the generalities, the probabilities, and the wisdom; even the great wisdom collected by the wise and passed along. When we dip into this epilogue at the beginning, it begins with God’s verdict. And the verdict of God is that Job was true in his observations about the Lord; whereas making traditional wisdom fixed and inflexible yielded false assumptions and resulted in slander of God Himself – not to mention Job.

In Job 42:7-9, here is intercession. The first step in the restoration of Job was his intercession on behalf of those friends who had deepened his grief as he had to absorb those accusations of great sin; and rather than grieving Job was figuratively backed into a corner where he was forced to refute what he knew to be false.

This first step in his restoration was to renew his lifestyle of intercession. Prior to his great loss, the major focus of Job’s life was intercession. Look back and read Job 1 and 2. Takes a couple of minutes and then you know come back to what we are talking about now, and you will probably recognize the very careful inter-leafing of all of this into a seamless fabric. Prior to the loss of everything Job’s daily routine consisted of serious intercession on behalf of every one of his children. That intercession has been lost to him. I think it is probably not the least bit difficult to recognize the profound nature of all of this trauma; and to realize that not only did Job loose his children and his possessions, but he also lost the fundamental fabric of his life. So not only is he bereft of all that he loved, you know I suspect that he could see no way forward and certainly he could see no way back; believing his life to be forever changed.

One of the echo’s of Job found in this epilogue is the phrase, “My servant Job,” which repeats the designation of Job by the Lord in chapters 1 and 2. And Job learns that being the servant of the Lord involves an intimate relationship with God. And the Lord affirms the centrality of intercession in Job’s life. He can no longer intercede for the children he has lost. He must intercede even for those who have heightened and intensified his suffering.

Now can you see how seamlessly this can segway into the character and the conduct of Christ, and the fact that the Lord demands of His people that their character and conduct must reflect the character and the conduct of God. In terms of the length of this epilogue practically half of the verbiage is a somewhat detailed description of those things the friends of Job do to repent, plus the efficacy/ethic-acy of the intercession of Job. “I will forgive you when Job prays for you.” The beatitudes. You know, the specific details of beatitudes are reflected in Job’s own belief and behavior. And you know, make it a point to read the beatitudes as you reflect on this epilogue.

The Great Grief of Job gave way to additional wounds by those who had a duty to comfort Job. But the restoration of Job which is the remainder of the book – 42:10-17 – the restoration came once Job was as gracious to those who did not deserve it; as gracious as God Himself is gracious. Commentators including ancient rabbi’s and fathers of the early church have frequently made much of the fact that when the Lord restored Job, Job received double of everything that was taken away. Often commentators have observed that this is God’s equitable repayment to Job. If you read the Law of Moses, there is a system of repayment and reparations that often add value to the value of what was lost. For instance, if any kind of crime – crime against property, or crime against persons – when that kind of debt was repaid, it was repaid plus a premium – value added to that. And sense Job’s loss of everything was undeserved, and was a direct result of the activity of the adversary, that when God repaid Job, He added a premium to it. As they say in the trade, that’ll preach.

But all that fails to recognize that God did not owe Job. And that everything that the Lord ever did for Job was gracious and merciful. And so while that will preach, the reality is that the Lord makes no guarantees about life, and far less do the promises of God guarantee wealth and power, or even happiness. I am sure that Job always wished he could understand all of this. But he now knows that he will never understand. He did, however, learn by the harshest of life experience that God can always be trusted.

So Job 42:10-17: The Restoration! The Lord restored Job when Job was gracious to the undeserving. Even when restored, Job still needed comfort and consolation. And his family and his true friends provided that. Never again would Job fail to recognize the intensity of the sufferings of other people. As long as he lived, he had those ten graves to visit. He probably never wasted any opportunity to demonstrate love, compassion, support, encouragement to those who were in need, and to those who suffered.

The answer to all of his ‘WHY’ questions was ‘There is no answer.’

All that remains is the presence of God, and Job learned that that was enough.

Ever after, Job lived content in the knowledge that God would ultimately bring him safely home. One of the greatest preachers in Baptist history was a 20^th century pastor and revivalist named Vance Havner. Let me recommend the website www.vancehavner.com which is maintained by a friend and admirer of Havner. And while you are at it, let me recommend a companion site: www.2prophetu.com .

Vance Havner and his wife were childless. After his one pastorate, which was First Baptist Church of Charleston, S.C., for the rest of his life, Vance Havner’s ministry was itinerant. And the economic reality being what it was, it was seldom possible for Havner’s wife to travel with him. This story is fleshed out in Havner’s little book, ‘Though I walk through the valley.’ In the book, which Havner wrote after his wife died, he said that no matter where he was, every day that he traveled for that period of forty four years, every day he was away from home, he had a letter from his wife. You know he wasn’t sure how she managed that, except that she learned what typical delivery time would be for mail. Now it may seem like a radically different world, but during much of Havner’s career, he could not afford to make a lot of long-distance phone calls. So the primary contact with her for all of those decades was by mail. After forty-four years of marriage, Havner’s wife died. He outlived her by many years. And in that book, he wrote with such tender grief what all of that was like. What you might call the ‘punch line’ to the book was his statement near the end of that book. ‘It is easy to say that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have. And then you realize that Jesus is all you want.’

Lessons from Job:

1. God never stifles a sincere question. But often He leaves them unanswered.

2. Learn to tell God how you feel, and be honest with God. He can take it. But remember who you are talking to.

3. Some answers will never come. Do not promise people that one day their questions will be answered. That is simply not true.

4. In every crisis, God can be trusted.

I think when I reflect on this I think of the words in part of a hymn, which has within the hymn this lyric: ‘Even when you cannot trace His hand, you can still trust His heart.’ If life has never dealt you the kind of blows that make you want to shake your fist in the face of God and demand an explanation; if that has not happened, it will.

Let me recommend a couple of authors:

David O. Seamands: Methodist pastor, professor, has got to be really old by now, if he’s still living. But he wrote several remarkable books that address the subjects, address situations of great pain, loss, and sorrow. They are remarkable. The first of those and the last time I checked, this one book had sold close to a million copies. I haven’t checked for 20 years. The title of that book is “Healing for damaged emotions.”

Archibald Hart: Arch is a professor at Fuller Seminary in California. I had the privilege of taking a couple of courses at Fuller’s extension location in Honolulu. Hart articulated some things that made a radical difference in not only in what I understand but in my own life. It is the theory of Hart that for believers, the most difficult aspect of suffering and loss is learning to forgive God. He is a Ph.D., he is a fully credentialed psychologist, and Arch says that having a robust faith in God can make the great trauma’s of life harder to deal with; because the believer knows that God can do whatever God wants to do. And so, you know, if you are the least bit orthodox in your own Christian faith, then you realize that either God allowed what happened, or God willed what happened. And if in fact God is God, what’s the difference? Because whether you explain things by saying, “God willed it,’ or saying ‘God allowed it,’ if in fact God possesses all real power, what is the difference? And you know Dr. Hart who also his wife as well is a fully credentialed psychologist, and the two of them are practicing psychologists in addition to his work as a professor. They believe that ordinarily people do not realize that they are angry with God. Because after all, this is something we are brought up – that’s a foreign concept. But he says that unless and until one recognizes anger and resentment against God, acknowledges is, owns it, and processes it by forgiving God, that they can never move past that point and become genuinely health emotionally and spiritually again.

You know I believe that they are correct. Emotions and no emotions are anymore visceral than is that complex of emotions that results from traumatic events – great loss, great suffering. The fact is that those emotions often have a life of their own. And it is an illusion to think that you can talk yourself out of all of the trauma that accompanies great loss. No. You have to live with it, you have to endure it, and you have ultimately you have to recognize it for what it is. And from a sincere heart, forgive God. In the great trauma’s of life, knowing that perhaps you should not feel a certain way doesn’t change the way you feel. You know I was very careful to question Archibald Hart in private as well as in public to be sure that I understood what he suggested. He was not suggesting that one should ask the Lord to forgive them for being angry with God. No, he was saying the individual must ultimately freely forgive God. And you know I think he is right; he has not written nearly enough about this but I have not laid eyes on him for 20 years. So he may well have published something in the meantime.

If in fact God is everything we believe He is, and if God is as the Bible presents Him, then it does I think, the more sound someone’s personal doctrine of god is, the harder it is to reconcile the great tragedies of life with God as we believe Him to be.

So Lord willing we will do something other than Job tomorrow.

Zumba and ESL

Yesterday was buzzzzzzy! I had class (Interpreting Wisdom Literature) from 11:30-12:45, ate lunch with Amber, then had my Theology 1 class from 2:30-5:15 ish. I think I've discovered the secret to paying attention in class. It sounds crazy, but I'm serious when I say doodling helps me pay attention in class! So I have gone back to the old fashion way of taking notes in Theo 1. I'm using my laptop in my Wisdom literature class, but that's because its more helpful to just transcribe what the professor says in this class than take bullet-point notes ;-)
Then I dashed off to work from 5:30-8:20-ish in the dish room. Seminary started, so it was c.r.a.z.y busy. It was fun, because my co-workers all had great attitudes, but there was at least a half hour where I felt like we were doing this intricate, life-threatening dance around the dishroom as we hauled pots and pans full of the ingredients for the entree's, stacks of ceramic plates, tubs of sharp utensils, and buckets of water around each other. Somehow we only dropped a few cups and knives here and there, and no plates were broken.
Then after that I went to Zumba class with Amber. Somehow adrenaline was still rushing after that, so we walked around the track 11 times and then jogged the last lap. My right knee is still screaming at me, and we have swapped many a joke about how we just aren't young any more and must care for our old creaking joints etc. ;-) We took some fun pictures in the locker room but she hasn't sent me copies yet.
Then this morning we got up and went to Friendship International. Amber watches the preschool kids, and I am still trying to find my nitch. Last time I went to the main break out session and then helped Amber, but today I went to the main session and then talked with the ESL coordinator. She really needed help in the 'bootcamp' class. This is the class where the students speak little to no (more towards the no) English. There was a whole group of students from rural China, and then a lady from India, another from Pakistan, one from Libya, and the last lady (who laughed whenever we asked her a question) was from Mexico.

Side note: Why is it so hard to get men involved in group outreaches/ministries/events? It seems like women flock to these events but men won't come unless they are just MANLY men and there is some kind of survival, killing of animals and partaking of red meat drenched in spicy sticky sauce that is charbroiled all together?

Anyway. I am hopefully going to be teaching English as a Second (or third or fourth or fifth etc) language on Wednesday mornings to Internationals who speak little or no English! Very excited. I hope it will be fun.

Now I must go finish making my reading schedule for this semester so that I at least have an idea of how much reading I am procrastinating on per week ;-) Just kidding. Most of the reading looks really really fun, there's just SOOO much of it. And I'm only taking 3 classes! They are all upper level classes though, so quite a few of them are doctoral-type works that were somehow chucked into general circulation for unsuspecting consumers to purchase. Wow that was cynical. Okay must go before I move from cynical to heretical. ;-)

~Princess Ouch~

Deliciously flippant

Tis the start of my final semester! In two weeks I have a presentation for my Apologetic's 3 class. I am leading a 2-hour discussion on David Berlinski's "The Devil's Delusion." This wonderful piece of literature is an eloquent rebuttal to Richard Dawkin's "The God Delusion."
Berlinski is a liberal Jew who received his degree's at Princeton and now lives in Paris. He was interviewed for Ben Stein's "Expelled" and is as humorously dry and cynical in his interviews there as he is in his book. I've only gotten through the preface and the first two chapters but am loving it.
I've been accused of being flippant about serious things in the past. I've wondered if that is actually the case and if so, where it comes from. I wonder if my 'flippancy' is derived from my appreciation of the British psyche. If you notice, they are often 'flippant' yet eloquent when dealing with serious topics that they feel strongly about. I appreciate this because I feel as though I am constantly surrounded by people who take things so seriously to the point of it being oppressive. A little flippancy and light humor is desperately needed in my humble opinion. Hopefully I also capture the eloquence.
I'm not perfect at this approach, and so I'm sure my intentions have come across in the wrong way in the past, and for that I am sorry. However my goal that I am still striving for is to bring a little lightheartedness amongst people who constantly take themselves entirely way too seriously.

Anyway... back to the original topic at hand: If you get a chance, read the Devil's Delusion. Its well worth the read. I haven't finished it, so I can't say I agree with everything the author puts forth; but the mental exercise will help keep your brain in shape ;-) As well as give you some great apologetics against the modern scientific atheist!

~Princess Ouch~

Thoughst of College, Smells and Sounds of Home

Down to the last few days before leaving the Great Plains back for the ol' South and my last semester. Did I mention yet it was my final semester before I have a Bachelor's in Science? No? Its my last semester. I only have ONE left.
One
Last
Semester!!!!
To be honest, I can't wait. I haven't a clue what I will do once I'm done. Revel in the glory of no more assigned reading, no more writing assignments where I have to b.s. my way through the required page amounts when I feel I can succinctly say the same thing in five (or one) sentances.
Yes, I AM considering further education. However, the dynamics of that degree and school will be completely different.
This season of life has been, in a word, hard. I've been sick with some very serious illnesses, discovered I have genetic complications that run in my family, watched people I deeply care about suffer - either through no fault of their own, or completely because of their own stupidity, but either way, still hard - been constantly told that I must revise this ro change that or mold myself to fill someone else's definition of 'correct.'
Has there been good in it? Of COURSE. I've met amazing people, made amazing friends, seen God work in amazing ways in my life and in others. I've seen Him redeem time, mistakes, people, choices.
But I'm ready to be done. I'm ready to stop living in a bubble of correct doctrine and conformity. I'm ready to see what God has next.
Do I sound cynical? Maybe. Mom and the littles started homeschooling last week, and today was full of trying to stay out of the way, watch them fight old battles that Mom and I used to butt heads against when I was under her skilled tutleage, and trying to decide if I NEEDED to overcome my deep desire to continue procrastinating reading Theology or just continue giving my brain a rest from acadamia before re-engaging it on the 24th.
Anyhoo. Mom wants to go watch Stargate Atlantis with me. :-) I made Souffle for dinner and decafe black tea is simmering on the stove. The littles are bouncing around, finishing final school assignments and asking to play computer games or watch with us, and Kendra is in the kitchen sweeping and muttering how she will NOT stoop to the level of SGA with us but not sure what else to do :-)
Ahh... sweet sounds and smells of home :-)
~Princess Ouch~

Procrastinating

I somehow clicked something and my words began appearing in Hindi instead of English. Wierd.
I have made noble strides towards effectively procrastinating today. I have downloaded new Christmas music from old CD's onto Itunes on my computer, cleaned Mom's kitchen, cleaned out my text inbox on my out-of-date phone, continued making preliminary plans for seeing more family during the middle of the month. Etc.
All good things.
Still procrastinating.
See, I'm taking Theology 1 this semester, and
I
don't
want
to.
I don't mind sitting in class, its just the textbook is a bear. Its very interesting for about three pages and then it becomes an excellent cure for insomnia.
I don't want to read.
I don't want to read.
I don't want to read.
I actually don't have to read, however it would be smart to begin reading it now so that I'm ahead of schoolwork. And, as my boyfriend says, 'we like being smart!'
We do?! I'm perfectly fine with dumb right now, thank you!
*sigh*
I'm sure in five months once I've graduated I'll look back fondly with remembering the good ol' days of college. At least, thats what my middle-aged friends tell me. My friend who graduated last May says that she is still of the opinion that it is all lies, and she is GLAD she has no more homework! She is GLAD she gets to read for pleasure!
Oh well. This is my final semester as an Undergrad. My final semester of trying to balance cramming classes in so that I can get al my requirements complete before the scholarship runs out, as well as trying to balance my inner need for socializing with learning which socializing persons and events need to be 'culled from my schedule' as well as making sure I"m working enough hours to cover living expenses and have a little wiggle room for inevitable unexpected medical or travel expenses (of which I've had many! yeesh!)
I'm excited to be finishing this season and anxious to learn what God has for the next season. However, He's never let me know ahead of time what is to come, very last minute. So I'll continue Serving Him Blind and praying that I'm doing so faithfully.
It struck me the other night as I was brushing my teeth just how blessed I was. I have access to clean water, surrounded by people who, however irritating they get, love me and I love them, am safe from invasion or kidnapping, have acccess to good Churches and faithful Christians. Transportation isn't always dependable for me personally but there are multiple people willing to give me free rides to wherever I need to go. I'm educated, intelligent, happy, and Saved. Life is good.
Happy New Year!

Final exam - case study

Well, not to get all controversial at the end of the semester. But being controversial is sort of my mode of operation anyway. The following is the case study that served as our final exam for my Ethics class. It was a BEAR to answer, let me tell you! I had to think about it for a few days, talk with a few people, and do lots of research online regarding the subject - as well as pray of course!! Here is what the case study said:

Joane, a woman in the local community near your church, has been visiting the church and has requested to join the church. She presents a letter of recommendation from her previous church stating she is a member in good standing. Through some discussions with her, you determine her to be an orthodox, believing Christian and present her to the church for membership. After being voted in and attending faithfully for some time, she approaches the Minister to Children about working in the children's ministry. As is normal practice at your church, the staff performs a background check on Joane. Upon receiving the results of the background check, your staff immediately informs you that Joane was born Joe. You call Joane in for discussion and she informs you that the results are true and that she was born male. Joane said she felt like she was born in the wrong body and desperately wanted to become female. She traveled to Europe, had gender reassignment surgery, and is currently taking hormone therapy drugs to complete the physical transformation from male to female.

How would you counsel Joane? What would you suggest Joane do in light of Scripture? Make sure to include any relevant biblical passages in your answer.

My response when reading this for the first time:

augh!

However, this is what my response was after the prayer, research, and asking others opinions on the topic:

I would tell ‘Joan’ that our discussion must take a rather intense turn, but that we would conduct it as respectfully and gently as possible. I would continue to call the individual Joan as that is the current legal name.

First I would inform “Joan” that the church cannot in any way accept ‘her’ application for any leadership roles while ‘she’ is a transgender. The church has a strong commitment to the belief that God is sovereign and knows each person He creates and has a purpose for them in the way He has created them – specifically male or female. Those who reject this belief and take matters into their own hands are in essence telling God that He does not know what He is doing, He is not in control, and the individual knows better. One’s gender is a fundamental part of one’s birthright. It is one of the few things we enter and leave the world with. The Bible clearly condemns those who reject God’s birthright to them (Hebrews 12:14-17).

Secondly, I would ask Joan to read with me 1 Corinthians 6:17-20. Even though intense surgery has been done upon Joan, in God’s eyes she is not a she but rather a he who has committed very intense atrocities against his body. Presenting oneself as a women when one is a man goes against God’s law (Deuteronomy 22:5). God loves ‘Joan’ but still sees Joe.

In light of this, any relationship ‘she’ pursues at this point would in essence be a homosexual relationship, which goes against 1 Corinthians 6:9. However, there is always hope in Christ, which is clearly pointed out in 1 Timothy 1:9-11.

Joan may not be willing to even consider stopping hormone treatments and seeking reversal surgery. However, I would still offer the services of the church and also inform Joan of www.pfox.org. Specifically the article found under http://pfox.org/Former_Transgender_Tells_His_Story.html.

If Joan wants to remain in the church, there must be some strict guidelines. First, as pointed out, it is the view of this church that by pursuing life as a female when God created ‘her’ as a male, ‘she’ is living in rebellion against God and His plan. Now, she will not be shunned from the community. However, ‘she’ will not be able to step into positions of leadership or teaching while remaining as ‘she’ is. Not unless Joan repents of these decisions, asks for God’s forgiveness, takes clear, obvious steps of reversing the process, and undergoes biblical counseling within the church will leadership be on the table.

Second, while the church at large will not be informed of Joan’s past, the church leadership will be. Joan’s private affairs will remain as such but the staff needs to know for future reference.

If any man in the church wishes to pursue a relationship, Joan is not to entertain the pursuit but to clearly forbid the man to continue. If he is persistent, she must tell him why. Failure to do this will result in the church stepping in and informing the man of her past and discipline on Joan. This is because the relationship would in effect be homosexual which the church can not in any way endorse.

The church will not offer Joan any recommendations to other churches without informing them of her past in case she is ever considered for positions of leadership.

The church will not take a position of ostracizing Joan. However by presenting the identity as female when Gods intent was male, this is a kind of deception to the church. It is difficult for trust to continue when this fundamental misrepresentation of identity occurs.

Having said all of this, I would ask Joan what ‘her’ response is. I would not wish to say any of this with an air of judgment, condemnation, or bigotry. Joan has professed faith in Jesus Christ and seems to be an orthodox Christian. Therefore, past actions do not make sense given a professed belief in the validity, accuracy and authority of Scripture. It is my hope that by explaining these things gently, if Joan is not repentant at the time of the meeting, future discussion will lead Joe to realize what he has done and repent, and allow the church to come alongside him in reconciling his physical and spiritual self with God’s plan and purpose for his life.

Thoughts? Comments? How would you have responded differently or the same?

~Princess Ouch~

Battle of the desk

"When I was working in collegiate ministry, I very bright student, Sue, came to me. She told me that she was an agnostic but that her best friend, Larry, had become a Christian. He talked to her a lot about his faith and did not neglect her after his conversion. Instead, he brought her to his campus Christian getherings and introduced her to his new Christian friends. He made her feel comfortable and a part of his very different Christian world. He answered as best he could her many intellectual questions about his faith. And most importantly, he loved her.
"I've seen what faith in Christ has done for Larry," she told me. "I see the love these Christians have for each other and for me. I've seen what Jesus is like in the Gospels and a lot of my questions have been answered. But I still don't believe. I'd like to find God, but I'm plagued with doubts. Please don't ask me to pray to receive Christ; it'd be dishonest. What should I do?"
I suggested what I mentioned above, read the Scriptures and look for an opportunity to put it into practice. She gulped and said, 'THat's radical. But I'll do it."
So she began having what she called her "pagan devotions." And the Christians around her prayed that God woud speak to her in the Scriptures and give her ocncrete situations in which she could obey. Several months later she said she wanted to talk to me. Here is Sue's story:
One day I read in the Bible, 'If someone steals your coat, don't let him have only that, but offer your cloak as well.' For whatever reason, that verse hit me between the eyes. So I said to the four walls, "Listen, walls - or God, if you're there - I'm going to do what this verse says, if the opportunity arises today. I want to remind you that I'm trying to do things your way in order to find out if you exist and if Jesus really is who he says. Amen."
The day went by and I forgot the verse. Then I headed to the library to continue working on my senior thesis. Just as I sat down at my designated thesis desk, this guy comes up and starts yelling at me. He told me the school hadn't given him his thesis desk, so he was going to take mine (Everyone knows how important your thesis desk is for your work. Thes chool only gives you one.) I started elling back, and pretty soon we caused quite a ruckus. But it was when he glared at me and said, "look. I'm stealing it from you whether you like it or not,' that it suddenly hit me.
I just looked and him and moaned, "ohhhhh no. NO. I can't believe it.' and to myself I thought, "Look, God, if you're there, I do want to know if Jesus is God. But isn't there some other way of finding out besides obeying the verse? I mean, couldn't I tithe or get baptized or give up something else? But don't take my thesis desk! I mean, with my luck, I'll give up the desk and then discover that you don't exist.'
But I couldn't escape the fact that I had read that verse the very same day someone tried to rob me. Before, I had always been amused to see how Jesus aimed for whatever was controlling the person in his conversation with people in the Bible. But now it didn't feel so funny. I took a deep breath, tried not to swear and said, "ok, let me think about it."
He looked bewildered. But just at that moment the librarian came up. She said she'd heard the conversation and was angered by his behavior. But he immediately began swearing at her and intimidated her so much that she told us we had to see his thesis adviser. So we trotted over to his adviser's office. It was clear to me by now that this guy carried around a lot of rage and was probably a troubled person. The more the guy ranted and raved, the more agitated the advisor became. Finally the adviser said, "Well, what does Sue think we should do?"
All this time I kept thinking about what I'd seen in these past several months. I'd seen Larry's life changed. I'd seen something beautiful in this Christian fellowship, something so real I could almost touch it. Even though I was not a Christian, I had been loved by these people. And I'd seen Jesus in the Bible. I felt so drawn to him. I realized that, even without a thesis desk, somehow I still had more than this poor, pathetic guy. I told the adviser that he could have the desk, and the meeting was over.
When we walked out the door, this guy grabbed my arm and asked me why in the world I let him have it. I told him he would I had flipped out, but I was trying to discover if Jesus was really who he claimed to be. In order to know if Jesus was really the way to God, I was attempting to obey the things he told us to do. 'So I've been reading the Gospels. And today I read that if somebody tried to rip me off, I was supposed to let them - and even throw in something extra to boot." All I could see were the whites of his eyes. "So I'm going to give you the desk, but don't press your luck about something extra."
Then he asked, "Why in the world would Jesus say such a crazy thing?"
Then I said, "Hey, if there's one thing I've learned from reading about Jesus and meeting these Christians, it's that Jesus wants to give us a whole lot more than a thesis desk if we'd let him. I think the basic idea is that it's knowing Jesus that makes us rich, not owning possessions. So that thesis desk is yours."
Becky, as I said those words, I just simply knew it was all true. I knew it from the inside out. I kinda felt like God was saying, "Well done. That's the way I want my children to behave." "

Rebecca Manley Pippert, Out of the Salt Shaker & into the World; Evangelism as a way of life. Pages 89-91

Quick update

I have fifteen minutes before I have to be back at work, so I thought I'd try and update my blog real quick before dashing off to the next thing.
One of my professors has offered to help me in my newest project: Understanding Southern Culture in a far more in-depth way than I ever thought necessary. Reason: I am dating a guy from Kentucky. Which has been fun, however my Prof pointed out some areas that I was simply NOT understanding were cultural differences. It helped to talk with him. But there's lots of books on survival guides for Americans overseas... I don't know if there's any for a girl who grew up West of the Mississippi for socializing/thriving in The South. Oh well. We'll see. Maybe at some point I'll write one... :-) But at any rate this new relationship has been really fun, as well as educational for all concerned :-)
IN other news: I'm stuck on the worksheets for Theology 3. I guess Senioritis has kicked in, because I have never been so naturally, verbally succinct in my entire life: I was given 3-5 pages to fill on three different theological topics, and on two of them I struggled to fill just ONE page and on the third one I can't get past the first paragraph! This is not good...
It doesn't help that a lot of my friends are graduated or have moved into different stages/areas of life. They call with GREAT ideas of stuff to do on my days off, but then I have to be the horrible responsible person and remind them that while technically I don't have anything on the schedule, I already have a full homework load. *sigh*
I'm still trying to figure out this internship for my Missions major. My car is currently fixed and running well, so that has simplified things. Now its just a matter of coordinating between various very busy people undergoing lots of transition and (dare I say it) some disorganization (myself included) and getting stuff in written form and turned into the right offices, as well as plugged into something resembling a schedule. (are Missionaries allowed to have such things? I feel like a schedule should be against the rules somehow... even if it is ministry in North America...)
And then there are times where I rebelliously put my phone on silent, slam shut the textbooks, change into shorts and sneakers and sneak outside and find a quiet corner on campus and stare up at the stars and wish I could just sit and let my mind wander for another month.
However, summer break has ended, and thinking can no longer wander all over history and fantasy and reality but stay solely on theology and pragmatic things... at least until I get all the scheduling worked out.
However, scheduling time for 'thinking of nothing in particular' seems a little weird...
That's all for now. :-)

~Princess Ouch~

Cool poem

Stumbled across this poem in my reading for Youth and Family Ministry. Hope you enjoy!

An Ode to Marriage
"You know, it could happen to us,"
you said to me,
sitting in your favorite chair as we sipped coffee,
digesting the news of the latest couples splitting up.
"No matter how great we think we have it,
if all those people can break up
it could happen to us.
We're humans like them.
It is possible."
I didn't answer for a while.
We were both incredulous at the news.
Men and women of maturity
decades-long marriages
so many have exploded, one after another.
Almost every week, another set of names.
Not him! Not her!
They're too sensible, too solid.
"You're right," I finally admit.
We've never joked about divorce,
never brought it up as an option.
We declared total commitment to each other
and must reaffirm that always.
But maybe realizing it could happen to us
helps us make sure it won't.
How terrible to think of an argument
someday when one of us feels
the need for the ultimate weapon,
"Well, obviously there's no sense staying together.
We're just hurting each other,
just keeping each other trapped."
Those are words mouthed in kitchens
and bedrooms of "mature" Christian homes.
REmember how our love began?
Years ago, I offered you my arm
that September night we first went out.
You reached for it
as we leaped a puddle together.
Then you walked just close enough
to show you liked it.
I glimpsed your face under the streetlight,
excitement splashing gently on it....
No commitment - just beginnings.
My arm pulled you that January eve
right beside me in that car.
Midnight. Time to leave.
"Good night" wasn't quite enough,
and our lips touched gently
in a kiss as light as an angel cake.
"I like you," it said,
but nothing more.
November air had rough-scrubbed our faces.
As we wrestled playfully
in your parent's farmhouse.
That moment I knew
and breathed into your hair,
"I LOVE YOU."
The words exploded around us.
They meant far more than "you're nice."
They meant commitment.
Your words came back to me
in firm, sure sounds:
"I love you too."
And our kiss of celebration
was the beginning of a new creation.
Yes, I chose you.
Out of all the lovely girls I knew.
I chose you.
How marvelous are the women of planet Earth,
hair flaring in the wind
rich browns and golds,
a thousand delicious shapes
girls who laugh saucily
girls who read Browning
girls who play sitars
girls who fix carburetors.
Of all those fascinating possibilities,
I chose you.
Decisively. Permanently.
Is that self-entrapment?
Wasw a commitment made in youth
to bind me a lifetime?
Ah, but it was as strong as birth,
a fresh creation,
soon to be a new flesh,
you and I as one.
We chose each other.
We created something new under the sun.
You to shape me
and I you,
like a Luther Burbank original.
We, our own new creation,
to produce fruit wholly unique,
UNIQUE IN THE UNIVERSE!
Then the wdding,
flying rice and honeymoon
days and nights together.
Two persons
as unalike as birch and cypress
had chosen each other.
The heavens laughed
and the sands of the earth
lay ready for the tender feet
of our newborn self.
Does time change all that?
Were we naive? Now, after we have
loved, argued, laughed, given birth,
what does it mean
when I hold you and say,
"I love you"?
Without the young-love ecstasy,
is it required rote
or reaffirmation of our new creation?
"I love you."
My temples don't pulse as I say it.
My body does not ache for coupling,
not as it did.
Yet the words carry more fact
than ever they did in courtship.
They embrace a million moments shared...
Standing together
atop Cadillac Mountain
and aching to absorb the blue-white-green beauty...
or angrily expounding to each other in the kitchen
about our particular stupidities,
then sharing a kiss ten hours later...
bonding moments, holding us together.
How easily those bonds could be tyrannical.
"You always forget..." "You never think..."
And bitter moments bite into their flesh
with blinding ropes that tie them to the
time and place instead of to each other.
Yet bonds can be a
thousand multicolored strands
of sorrow, joy, embarrasment,
of anger, laughter shared
as we watch God maturing us,
as we gently tell each other
of our joys, our fears,
even of our fantasies.
Rope is rope.
Experiences are much the same:
crabby days,
laughing days,
boring days.
We'll go through them "in love,"
by commitment to each other,
sharing, forgiving,
not blaming, not hurting.
Yet when we do hurt,
we ask forgiveness,
so the ropes will bind us together.
For if they don't
they'll wrap around our throats,
so that each struggle will tighten the noose,
and we'll have to reach for the knife to cut the bonds.
"I love you."
It sounds trite -
but not if it's remembering
the thousands of strands
of loving each other when we don't feel lovely,
of holding each other,
of winking across a room,
of eating peanut butter sandwiches beside the surf.
And of getting up in the morning
thousands of times, together,
and remembering what we created,
the day we first said "I love you,"
Something permanent
and growing
and alive.
~ Harold Myra, 1979~

My first sermon

so... TECHNICALLY its a sermon I delivered for Speech class. Before anyone wigs out, there were only two guys there and one was my professor. The other 20 people were my classmates and they were all girls. Anyway here are my notes. Hope you enjoy. ;-)

I'm going to read the text from the Light side of the force and the Dark side of the Force. THe dark side, the KJV, and then the light side, the ESV. The two translations use different words that capture the meaning really beautifully.

Count it all joy when ye fall into diverse temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.(KJV James 1:2-4)

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (ESV James 1:2-4)

Introduction: this is a difficult passage; telling others to rejoice in suffering. How could we be so heartless to tell some one to 'suck it up, be happy and rejoice' when they are going through a painful time?

However, James uses very familiar terminology in this passage and is exhorting fellow believers as family. That is our duty as well, to exhort one another and offer encouragement freely to those undergoing trials. One of the most important, beautiful characteristics of Christianity is to lift one another up and encourage each other. We are all going to go through trials and temptations, and we must be ready when those times come in our own lives and in the lives of our Christian family. In order to do this, we must understand a few things about trials and temptations. So today I’d like to talk with you about four aspects of the Christian undergoing this type of fire.

1. The essential point of temptation is your faith. – how is faith tried.

ThThere is invaluable blessing gained by the proving of your faith.

3. Priceless virtue which is produced by testing

1 ) You can’t have faith unless you are believer. And you can’t be a believer without faith. This is what is peculiarly obnoxious to Satan and the world of which he is prince. If you didn’t have faith they wouldn’t care, they wouldn’t be enemies of yours because you would be invisible to them. However, God is glorified by the visibility of your faith, and when God is glorified, Satan is annoyed. Satan sees his defeat in the faith of Christ’s believers.

Faith isn’t visible unless it is tried, and God is glorified when faith is visible. Therefore God will surely try your faith.

1b) How is your faith tried? Through Temptation to sin, or through persecution. Scripture is full of the testimonies of the persecutions of believers. We have all experienced persecution.

God doesn’t tempt us, but He may put us in way of/allow us to be tempted.

Trials have in them a measure of temptation, (i.e. if we are hurt we are tempted to react in a way that might hurt those around us) which is why we are instructed to say, ‘lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil one.”

Trials and temptations are distinct to each individual. For some they are physical, like being beaten. For others they are emotional. When my mom first became a Christian, her parents were really upset because they felt like she was insulting them by saying they weren’t important to her. When she broke up with her boyfriend – who was wealthy and dishonest – and started dating my dad – who was poor and outspoken and a Christian – they started going out of their way to make her life miserable. They cleaned out her room and threw all the stuff onto the front porch, kicking her out. My grandpa told her he hated my dad. There wasn’t any reason, he clarified. He just hated him. My mom could have responded in turn by finding ways to make their lives more difficult. But instead she prayed for them until they died and encouraged us to pray for them as well.

Temptations/trials come upon us when we least expect them; when things are peaceful and quiet. Things were fine for Job then suddenly one day he was struck to the core in every area of his life. He didn’t have breathing room between the blows of destructive news. Even the strongest are tempted and hurt, but when we remain faithful despite the trials, even heathen cry “there must be something in the religion of God or else how can these people gladly give up their lives and happily bear these troubles?”

Happy is the man whose shield can catch and quench all the fiery darts of the enemy.

2 ) The blessing gained is this, that our faith is tried and proved.

We try self examination often but it doesn’t help much; actual trial is much more effective for revealing ugliness inside. The way you find out if you are a good soldier is to go out to the battle, testing the ship is by putting it on the water and see if she weathers the storm.

Trial proves our sincerity.

Proves the truthfulness of the doctrine itself.

Your own faith in God is proved when you cling to Him in temptation/trial.

It is a beautiful thing to learn the great strength of our Lord. One feels great internal victory when it is proved to Satan the purity of motives.

Trials are like fire, they burn up nothing but the dross, and they make the gold all the more purer. To be refined, metals must be heated up to extreme temperatures and then beaten. It’s the same with our faith.

Trials teach us patience and how to take abuse without retaliation; wisdom teaches us to act without undue haste. Suffering teaches us patience, patience without unbelief, and belief without wavering.

The last year and a half I and both my parents have suffered extreme illness and injury, have lost close family members to death, been rejected by those most dear to us, and betrayed by those we trusted. In one week I recovered from swine flu, my parents’ house burned down, my aunt died, and I had to go to the emergency room. And that was just the beginning. My nick name was Job. But I learned through all of that that God is sovereign, He is faithful, He provides, and He never leads us to what He won’t bring us out of if we trust Him. Since then, when hard times come I am less quick to panic and far more ready to fall on my knees in prayer. I am learning to pray three times more than I talk about a thing.

The Christian learns to say, “I believe my God, and therefore if the vision tarry I will wait for it. My time is not yet come. I am to have my worst things first and my best things afterwards, and so I sit me down at Jesus’ feet and tarry his leisure.”

We learn endurance. We learn to be grateful. Little things. It seems like every time I go overseas, there is some traumatic experience with getting clean. The first time the power went out right after I had so many soap suds in my hair it looked like I had a white afro. For some reason this effected the plumbing, and the water died as well. It was interesting trying to get to a place appearance wise where I felt confident showing myself in public. Another time our indoor plumbing died altogether and the well was about three blocks away uphill through cow paths and washed out gullies. I couldn’t bathe for a week, but I was going in and out of Gypsy villages and the little girls all loved playing with my hair. But to them, lack of bathing is normal, so when they played with my hair, all the dirt and grease from their hands was transferred on to me. When our water was fixed and I finally washed my hair the water was black. I think it’s almost every time I get into the shower here in the states that I thank God for dependable, hot running water!

And the cool thing is that people watch what is happening to us and see that we will endure. Then when trials come into their lives and we encourage them, they see the depth of our words because we know what we are talking about. My host grandma died last year and I was able to call my host mom. Usually when Americans try to comfort internationals they aren’t too sure about taking their comfort because it seems flippant but because she knew what my family had been through she listened and it meant a lot to hear once she heard what I had to say.

Conclusion: We are all preparing for ministry, and many of us are preparing for leadership in ministry. While leadership initially looks glamorous and like it ought to be a fun experience, the fact of the matter is that there is a lot of dirt and pain in that role. The same is true of ministry of any kind, or even just Christian living.

Instead of being shocked when hard times come, let’s begin now at learning how to handle these situations; by studying passages like James 1:2-4. Let’s learn how to encourage one another now and begin asking God to put a guard over our mouth so that we bless one another and give glory to God through all our hardships.