almost spring

I have daffodils beginning to bloom in the front yard and robins have been filling the air for the last several days with their beautiful songs. We had one glorious taste of spring on Saturday, and then the temperatures plummeted with torrents of rain, reminding us that winter hasn't yet completely released us from its claws. Ah well. Spring is coming, and I'm excited to finally have my own front yard and garden bed to fill with flowers and herbs. The neighborhood I live in is made up of small two bedroom homes but many of the houses have somewhere around a dozen people living in them. Its a very trailer-park like setting in many respects. Not quite inner-city dynamics, but you'll get there without traveling too far.
With spring come planning meetings for summer programs for the kids ministry. Kids - I love. Adults - not so much. And oddly enough in children's ministries, there's far more interaction with adults then children.
To children things are simple and upfront. They take you at face value. You say God loves you, so He does. You say 'I love you,' and give them a hug, they believe you and love you back. Adults on the other hand bring politics, agendas, and micromanaging control into the mix. Bleh. I think I understand why Jesus said you had to have faith like a child!!!

Ah well. Back to the garden. I've been trying to balance wanting to invest a ton of time and money into having a beautiful secret garden, but at the same time show restraint and purchase little by little. I don't know why but last spring something snapped in me and I just started buying plants. And the things is, while a lot of them frizzled, a lot of them lived and are still with me. I don't have a magical green thumb, but I don't have a black thumb either! So thats been exciting. I haven't had the space for a whole lot of veggies etc. So mainly flowers and herbs. I can't begin to describe how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE fresh herbs. They are so beautiful when they grow, they make food so tasty, and they smell AWESOME when it rains. Ahhh nature. Gods creation never ceases to amaze.

not quite what I thought...

I stopped by an old friend's house today. We haven't seen each other since she was pregnant and now her baby is 7 months old - so obviously its been a while :-) She and her husband are now on staff at my old church heading up their internationals department, reaching out to immigrants and refugees in our city. Not what they thought they'd end up doing. They were completely sure they'd be in the Middle East by now as missionaries. So I brought her up to speed with what's going on with Kyle (he's been in Central America on a mission trip this week) and me with my new job. The baby interrupted us rather frequently with polite coo's or random squawks or just plain ear-piercing screams. Allergies have been a jerk the last two weeks, and the little guy is teething and chunking up to hit a growth spurt.
At one point my friend looked at me over the rim of her mug filled with Kurdish Chai and said, 'This is NOT what I thought it would be like. Did you think ministry would be this...'
'Normal but not?' I finished for her.
''Yeah. But its so invasive, too! Like, my husband isn't my own, and I am constantly behind the scenes. Like... it never ends, but its so sporadic. I'm afraid I'm getting burned out, which scares me, because we've just started this year!"
We were interrupted by a call from someone from church who needed a more in-depth conversation, so I left with promises of getting back in touch with her soon.

But it has stuck with me. Ministry isn't what i thought it would be. Being a grown up isn't what I thought it would be like. The man God made explicitly clear that I am to be with is nothing like what I thought I would get. But on the other hand, its all RIGHT. It all FITS. Which is why we keep plugging away at it even when it makes no sense or burnout swoops in like an ugly beast.

But my friend and I did come to an important conclusion: its very very VERY important to not try to do it alone. Because its easy to get isolated, and caught up in your own ministry or drama.

Consequently, we've decided a consistent ministry comparison/chai consumption/henna application date is in order on a much more frequent basis.

Let this be a read Bible

August 24, 2001. My best friend Anna Stone gave me a brand new, Extreme Teen Study Bible. IN the first page where you write all this stuff, she wrote, 'because I love you.' After I displayed great joy and mirth at the gift, she explained that she also was giving it to me, in addition to her love, due to the fact that my other Bible was falling apart. I had been given that Bible - a Children's Study Bible - by my Sunday School when I memorized so many verses and had attended so many weeks in a row (I think? Or maybe it was just for my birthday) It was nearing ten years old. I personally didn't feel like it was falling apart; its cover needed washing. The main issue was that it was a Children's Study Bible and I was a teenager and wasn't really sure how to study the Bible at that point. So the Extreme Teen Study Bible really helped.
However, if Anna could see it today, she'd probably dash out the door with no more ado and buy me yet another Bible (I'll take the ESV study Bible, please! Or the Hollman Study Bible. Yeah the ones that could kill someone if you hit them right with them, they are so huge). The poor Extreme Teen study Bible has been through a lot. It has moved back and forth across the United States and overseas with me. It suffered a bad case of mildew when I was in Romania and the pages still have stains and are all crinkly throughout the Book.
My favorite part is all the notes I've written into the margins - in dozens of pens and pencils. My youthful scrawl and loopy penmanship mercifully different now. I have snide retorts, deep questions, prayers, reminders to myself to be obedient or humble or learn to be wise or do better at Scripture Memorization.

I brought another Bible I had purchased for school (as it is about the size of my hand and I am pretty sure
as I get older I won't be able to read the text its so small) to Sunday School a couple of weeks ago. Wouldn't you know it, THIS particular Book was left on the roof of my car one day when I was unlocking the door, and it and my journal went flying off of the roof and ended up getting run over by a truck. The tread marks are still in the back flap to prove it. I made some apology for my Bible (missions major moment: we were always told to show utmost respect for our Bibles when going into other cultures because they did for their holy books and it would impede our progress if we seemed to flippant a religion). The dear old lady just smiled at me and said, 'honey, I found a note in my grandmother's tattered old Bible. It said on the front page, 'let this be a read Bible.' And I just thought that was so neat. Looks like yours is a read Bible!'
Hope so! 'Cause I just feel like they are abused Bibles!
So life comes in weird circles, because I want to invest in some Children's Bibles for my kids in the Children's Church. Wonder what stories their Testaments will tell!