compare and contrast.... bleh!!!

Which requires more faith: dealing directly with God and trusting the unseen in the physical realm,
OR
dealing with man and the seen, in which the spiritual realm is still very real and present, yet not as tangible?

I'll explain what I mean through an example. Which missionary has more faith: the one who is part of a faith-based organization, relying on prayer for support (like George Mueller)
OR
A missionary who is part of an organization which provides his physical needs and has a network of prayer support, but bureaucratic, rather micromanaging tendencies in the name of ensuring constancy in the vision and goal of its workers?

Because the former deals directly with the Almighty who is Unseen but always Present and Perfect and reliable.
The second deals with imperfect humans who are obnoxious and irritating and backstabbing, and one must again rely completely on the Lord for feedback and guidance when interacting with said individuals. Not saying that ALL of them are like that ALL the time, but that particular aspect IS more ready in the second setting than the first. Just sayin.'

It has recently occurred to me that my time as a full time undergrad student is entering into its final chapter (providing no further catastrophe's decide to drop in on my life, that is) and I need to start thinking about what I'm going to do with myself once I get that much-coveted piece of paper that says I'm a real person who has a brain (i.e. my diploma). There's several options of what I could do and they are all good. The trouble is which applications do I start praying about and filling out and which ones do I not even bother about?
Part of me isn't worried about it at all and the other part is trying to not start hyperventilating from anxiety. There's been so much wierdness and transition in my life for the last year and a half and it was so nice to just have a breather this semester of nothing wacky disrupting life (shoot, I've gotten all my papers turned in on time this semester, and decent grades on all my tests!! do you know how LONG its BEEN since that happened?!) and now I've got to start looking ahead to the next big transition. What to do after graduation. Shoot. I don't WANNA!

Part of me looks with longing at my friends who will graduate with the M.R.S. degree, and another part of me is incredibily releived that I"m not yet 'chained to a house of stone' as Tolkien's character says (somewhat paraphrased) in "The Return of the King" (BOOK, not movie). On the one hand its intimidating to have that aspect of my future completely open for any possibility and on the other hand profoundly liberating and adventuresome to trust the fact that I serve an amazing God who has amazing plans and will do amazing things with me as I am and bring amazing people into my future. A guest speaker in class today mentioned the fact that as single people we can hop into the car for off-hand road trips and are far more open to ministry at late night hours in out-of-the-way places than people with families are. And while I have been told numerous times that I am CLEARLY not called to be single, I am incredibly thankful for this season of singleness.

There's a recruiter on campus who works for a faith-based organization. Talking with him today revealed a ministry that reflected many of the mentalities and guiding principles that I was convicted of when I returned home from the mission field in 2006. While I don't know if this is the particular ministry God wants me to work with long term, it has definately given me food for thought and caused me to examine mindsets and mentalities I have grown out of in the last few years. Or areas that I haven't wanted to think about because of the 'survival mode' I had been operating under since October of 2009. Not trying to sound TOO dramatic or anything. Its just I've got 'The Last Samurai" soundtrack playing while I write this, and emotionally - extended family passing away, my parent's house fire, and other personal drama - its felt like I've had a finger over the 'red alert, panic stations' button for a while.

SO while the faith-based organization is appealing, I'm realizing that I've turned into a chicken regarding faith for crazy, long term things. SO the question to be voiced in my prayer life now is, have I 'lost' an aspect of young faith that I had when I was 18, or have I grown and matured in my faith and learned that certain things simply aren't 'wise'?

Some very good friends of mine (its a whole family) are, along with their church, supporting a student from Africa who is bringing his family over while he finishes school, despite severe financial setbacks. The constant question this family has asked themselves is, 'when does it stop being faith and become simply crazy?'

A lot of the stories you read about amazing faith-filled lives (greats such as George Mueller, Gladys Ailward, Corrie Ten Boom, etc) include stories of pure craziness.
There is a difference between crazy faith and foolishness, but again, how does one differentiate?

I was asked today in class by the guest speaker, "Out of all the places you've lived, which one is your favorite?" I asked for clarification. "Well which one would you like to move back to and settle down in?"
Well to be frank I couldn't answer him; not because I've hated all the places I've lived but because for whatever reason the thought of 'settling down' and planning where I live just hasn't ever been on the radar for a while. God opens doors and I either run through them or get kicked through them. Never entirely sure what is happening at the time, but sure that the fingerprints of God are all over the events. (I didn't say it half as good as that at the time)

Yes I am definitely in ramble-mode. Sorry.

So all that to say, the Lord has just been bringing people into my life that have me constantly evaluating and praying and Listening and searching Scripture and Waiting and Wondering.

SO the reason for the opening question is... faith based organization run in a fashion similar to George Mueller's operation...
or the safer route... IMB? Not sure.
They both have pro's and con's. They both have areas in which I strongly agree and area's in which I'm not entirely sure I stand and other areas that... well, please just don't ask my opinion of it, thank you. ;-) But its that way with anything...
I know I've got about a year and a half to make decisions, but as I said... application processes take six months to a year...

And I REALLY don't want to be one of those graduates who collapses with relief upon getting the diploma from the Dean and doesn't DO anything for a year or two...

Okay enough of sending my wack-job thoughts and musings into the void. I'm going to bed. Unless, of course, my dear roomie wants to let me have more of her lamb-mushroom-curry-amazingness that she let me try a few seconds ago.... *smacks lips*
:-D

p.s. Okay so the websites for the two mission organizations I'm talking about in this post are:
IMB:
http://www.imb.org
WEC
http://www.wec-usa.org

Excellent video!!!

Desiring God Q&A Panel - Loving Our Muslim Neighbors from The Summit Church on Vimeo.

This is a very interesting video we watched for class. I tried copying the embed code and pasting it here, so... hopefully you can see it. Or you can go to http://www.jdgreear.com/my_weblog/2010/10/loving-our-muslim-neighbors.html and see it there. It talks specifically about ministering to Muslims, but a lot of what they talk about is very helpful just in examining our own faith as we work it out with fear and trembling, as well as ministry in general to unbelievers :-)
Enjoy!

Clash of the paradigms

It's weird, because as a Misisons Major at a Bible College, I'm reading almost more than I can stomach regarding different missiological approaches towards the propagation of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. However, when confronted with one of the people I read about in these books and actually hearing how their lack of faith manifests itself, I never ceased to be amazed and at the same time somewhat appalled.
What brought about this opening statement is the confuddlement I have been grappling with since befriending two lovely Turkish ladies who are also Muslim. One seems a little more open to the Gospel than the other, but both have asked me and my friend to explain the Bible to them so that they can understand it correctly. (yeah. No weighty responsibility contained in that commission at ALL!) And both times we've met and conversed I've been hit with the overwhelming realization at how complex and bizarre the Christian worldview is when perceived by non-believers. Its so simple once you get it, but when you haven't gotten it yet, its just weird.
A prime example is when we were answering some questions regarding Isa, the Islamic name for Jesus. They believe in Jesus, they love Jesus. They respect Him and actually Mohammed wrote some very touching things about Him in the Qur'an. They even believe that He was born of the virgin Mary, and that it was God who put Him in her womb.
However, He is NOT God nor the Son of God, because how can God have a son, and clearly God is ONE not two.
There's differences of opinions regarding sin and depravity amongst Muslims, but the one lady has informed me emphatically and repeatedly that Adam's sin in no way effects her. Her sins are her OWN, not Adams, thank you very much.
And the Law is simple to fulfill. If we don't fulfill the Law, that is our own business. Sin stems from abuse of sexual instincts or rejection of God.
I always start to get a headache by the end of my conversations with them because its such a paradigm shift.
There was one point in the conversation where we were trying to explain the Atonement in response to some very pertinent questions she had.
"Wait. You think that JESUS died for OUR sins?!?!" she exclaimed once we overcame the language barrier.
"Well... yes..." my friend and I answered, not entirely sure where the amazement stemmed from.
"No. Wait. God gave US the law to fulfill. Its there, its clear. And if we CHOOSE not to obey it, then He pays for it Himself? That doesn't make any SENSE!"

Or today, for class I had to visit a 'center of cultural or alternative worship.' Blech. I was raised in a Christian environment my whole life, and I've had this type of assignment before where I have to go to some other established meeting place of non-truth-religion. I always leave with a headache.
My mom explained it to me once this way: How do Federal Agents know when they come across a counterfeit bill that it is fake? Do they study the various methods and means by which false currency is made? No. Not at all. Do you know what they do? They study the real thing to such detail that they immediately recognize when a single splotch of ink is out of place. (okay maybe slight exaggeration there, but you get the idea)
I guess the same thing is coming through in this case: having been raised a Christian and fallen in love with Jesus Christ and wanting the propagation of His Kingdom to be my life's work, its appalling and offensive when I see His name slandered.
The Iranian gentleman who led the meeting today was a man overflowing with friendliness and hospitality. A sweetheart if ever I met one, although still possessing a very faint aura of creepiness that always accompanies a leader of any cult.
I have to give a group presentation on the Baha'i faith for class, and I asked the gentleman if we could possibly interview him later on this semester and even video tape the interview as well as photograph the center.
"Listen, listen. Let me explain myself to you. I want you to see me as your friend. Obviously there must be time and trust that will be established through friendship, but consider this community center yours and all you need available to you."
(Don't worry, I'm not going to enter there without my burly classmate accompanying me again.)
I was touched by his seeming sincerity but wondered how far I could push his commitment of compliance. With all the wacky events that have happened in my life the last few years, I've learned to take such offers with a tad bit of cynicism, even when they come from Christians; and especially when they come from non-believers.
However, his charisma was endearing. But I couldn't help but have a strong feeling of offense rise when he began explaining that Jesus Christ was just another manifestation/man possessed by god, just like Bahu-u-llah.
"NO! That is NOT true!" my inner-self screamed. "JESUS is the ONLY Way, Truth, and Life, and there is no other way by which you can be saved, friend!"

I've always had the opinion that religious radicals need to take a deep breath, smell some flowers, and stop taking life so seriously. But I had never had my beliefs so repeatedly and blatantly thrown in my face. And the funny thing is, this isn't in an antagonistic sort of way at all; its in a gentle, friendly way by people who seem genuinely concerned for my welfare.

So I'm not mad at them by any means, just struck with the profound tragedy of the reality of hell.
While headaches and fatigue always accompany such engagements with pagans, I haven't regretted an encounter so far. In fact I wonder why more Christians don't brave the headaches and circles under their eyes. I wonder why we are not more passionately pouring over Scripture to make sure our response is true and holy and correct in the eyes of God; not just in theology but in methodology.
C'mon, Christians. There are lots of people out there who need Jesus. Go find some of them! Its actually easier than you might think; the main point is for them to see the sincerity and authenticity of our faith. And if our faith is real, then that shouldn't be hard at all, right? ;-)

Domestic moment

I don't know why, but for some reason working 7 hours two days in a row made me walk into my apartment and simply want to bake something. Wacky? Yes indeed. However... this is ME after all.
Over the summer my team and I were near Amish country and we went to one of their whole foods stores and I picked up some non-conventional ingredients for when I had time and inclination to play around with tastes. (its what I do...) My mom has frequented health food stores since I was little and she always would buy the bizarre flours and weird whole grains and try to substitute them for actual real white flour (you know, the kind that causes cancer that we put in everything. That one. The tasty one!!!) when she wasn't abandoning normal western eating habits altogether and overdosing on some lentil combination and forsaking bread completely. (I'm not traumatized AT ALL). So out-of-the-box powders lurking on pantry shelves is now integrated into my bloodstream but I tend to lean more on the side that still listens to taste buds.
All that to say, I picked up a pound carob powder. I bought carob powder because my mom did occasionally take pity on my poor taste buds and buy these carob bars that had seaweed and kelp in them. You didn't mind the sea stuff because the carob redeemed it. So I knew carob was one of those powders that were not only healthy but tasty. (you CAN have both in the same dish! I promise!!)
And, hoping Mom would take the hint, I generously bought her pound as well. The end to that story is that I presented it to her with a flourish and she sort of wrinkled her nose and asked what in the world one put Carob in, muttered something about how I always bring home weird things that only tribal people cook with, and the lonely little pound of carob is somewhere in exile in my parent's pantry, not being eaten. (I bring home weird things?! and how many different NON WHEAT flours are in the SDian pantry I ask? Ever so complacently and un-emphatically I ask this...)
SO. To bring it back to last night, I walked in the door and was like, "I need to cook with my carob powder." Oh, the other deciding influence you need to know about is that my friend/coworker has been giving me grief ever since I treated my hair with Henna. He's called me either Carrots (which he did immediately before ordering food at the coffee shop when I was preparing food... I ask you, does that demonstrate smarts? Logical thinking? Superiority of the graduate program over the undergrad? I think not. And I reminded the dear fellow about what happened in the movie 'Anne of Green Gables' when she was called carrots, and said that since there were no slates to break over his head I would have to improvise on his sandwich. Since he's my co worker and not an ordinary customer I can do that) OR told me that I need to put my hair in two braids and hand him a frosty, as clearly I escaped from a Wendy's restaurant advertisement. So I left work wondering if I should find some way to acquire a frosty and do something devious to it, but that would take money and I didn't want to waste money. But I did want to cook with carob.
So. I got online and googled Carob recipes. Apparently it is high in protein and very healthy. There are a few historical armies that are said to have lived off of carob right before they invaded something significant... and I came across a recipe that looked as delicious as it was healthy. So I decided to not only make it, but to post it on here should it turn out well, which apparently it did. So here ya go. For whenever you have some extra carob lying around. If you don't, I think you can substitute cocoa powder. It just won't be as healthy.


Cake: 1 cup flour, Frosting: 1/4 cup butter
1/3 cup carob 1/3 cup honey (i used 1/2 honey, 1/2 sugar for
1 tsp baking soda this part)
1/2 tsp salt 1 cup dry milk powder
1/2 cup butter 1/4 cup water
2/3 cup honey 1 tsp vanilla
1 mashed banana
1 tsp vanilla

Preheat oven to 350. Grease and flour 8 inch pan. Sift together flour, carob, baking soda and salt. Set aside.
In a large bowl, cream butter and honey until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs one at a time, then stir in banana and vanilla. Beat in flour alternating with water. Stir in chopped (wal)nuts if you so desire (which I neither had nor desired)
Bake in preheated oven for 35-40 minutes, until a knife inserted in middle comes out clean.


Frosting: Cream butter and honey until smooth. Blend in milk powder, carob powder, vanilla and water. Beat until smooth and spread on cooled cake.

The conclusion is that it came out amazing. My harassing friend and his two co-workers/my other two friends had joked when I left work that I ought to stay and close with them. Saturdays are insane, and anyone who works automatically gets several thousand years knocked off purgatory along with a few jewels in their crowns. (yes, I mixed up doctrines and theology. I did that on purpose!) I had worked from 9 to 4, and wasn't in any kind of mood to deal with a mob of voracious undergrad students. And I also knew that since I was working with all guys, guess who would be on food duty, as I am about 3 times as fast as making sandwiches as they are. I say this in all humility and it comes solely through working at Starbucks for a year and getting the 'faster than the speed of light' policy down, along with the fact that I've worked in this coffee shop two to three times as long as any of these guys. But I felt kinda sorry for them. And I had to return some theology books I had borrowed to one of them, and I knew despite the external trials and tribulations of demanding 'customers' it would have been fun to work with the three of them. So I cut three generous slices and skipped over to the coffee shop after it was thoroughly closed. The two were appropriately impressed and thankful, but the third - the one who teases me about carrot hair - didn't hear, see or smell the ambrosia-like scent wafting from the freshly cooked brownies. And I guess he didn't like the hip-hop that they were blaring full-blast. In a word, he was grumpy.
"Smile! You look awful!" I said, and he proceeded to grumble about how there was nothing to smile about, and he would only smile once the cutting-board he was bleaching was thoroughly cleaned. So I picked up the container with the brownies and held them over the counter and under his nose.
"Smell this and tell me there is nothing to smile about."
"NO! There is absolutely nothing..." and then he caught a waft... and then he inhaled deeply... and as he breathed a smile stole over his features and he began expounding upon the glories of the Lord.
I told him that i couldn't get a frosty for him and he said he hoped I could NEVER get my hands on frosties again. I also told him this was a result of his cruel harassment on my hair and it was God's sanctifying work in my heart that caused me to not only forgive him but bless him. The twirp then said that he was so thankful for Gods grace that he was going to harass me EVERY time he saw me so that I would cook more. Woops. That backfired. I said he shouldn't count on me being so receptive to conviction in the future but he said don't worry about that, he would pray conviction-resulting-in-brownies into my heart. Ha.

Anyway that is my domestic moment for the semester, as well as my compassionate, reaching out to brothers in Christ moment, so please do not count on any more sweet smells wafting out of my apartment because mid terms, group projects, papers and finals are within sight, and I think I won't have time to make anything else scrumptious for a while at least.
~Princess Ouch~

My first sermon

so... TECHNICALLY its a sermon I delivered for Speech class. Before anyone wigs out, there were only two guys there and one was my professor. The other 20 people were my classmates and they were all girls. Anyway here are my notes. Hope you enjoy. ;-)

I'm going to read the text from the Light side of the force and the Dark side of the Force. THe dark side, the KJV, and then the light side, the ESV. The two translations use different words that capture the meaning really beautifully.

Count it all joy when ye fall into diverse temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.(KJV James 1:2-4)

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (ESV James 1:2-4)

Introduction: this is a difficult passage; telling others to rejoice in suffering. How could we be so heartless to tell some one to 'suck it up, be happy and rejoice' when they are going through a painful time?

However, James uses very familiar terminology in this passage and is exhorting fellow believers as family. That is our duty as well, to exhort one another and offer encouragement freely to those undergoing trials. One of the most important, beautiful characteristics of Christianity is to lift one another up and encourage each other. We are all going to go through trials and temptations, and we must be ready when those times come in our own lives and in the lives of our Christian family. In order to do this, we must understand a few things about trials and temptations. So today I’d like to talk with you about four aspects of the Christian undergoing this type of fire.

1. The essential point of temptation is your faith. – how is faith tried.

ThThere is invaluable blessing gained by the proving of your faith.

3. Priceless virtue which is produced by testing

1 ) You can’t have faith unless you are believer. And you can’t be a believer without faith. This is what is peculiarly obnoxious to Satan and the world of which he is prince. If you didn’t have faith they wouldn’t care, they wouldn’t be enemies of yours because you would be invisible to them. However, God is glorified by the visibility of your faith, and when God is glorified, Satan is annoyed. Satan sees his defeat in the faith of Christ’s believers.

Faith isn’t visible unless it is tried, and God is glorified when faith is visible. Therefore God will surely try your faith.

1b) How is your faith tried? Through Temptation to sin, or through persecution. Scripture is full of the testimonies of the persecutions of believers. We have all experienced persecution.

God doesn’t tempt us, but He may put us in way of/allow us to be tempted.

Trials have in them a measure of temptation, (i.e. if we are hurt we are tempted to react in a way that might hurt those around us) which is why we are instructed to say, ‘lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil one.”

Trials and temptations are distinct to each individual. For some they are physical, like being beaten. For others they are emotional. When my mom first became a Christian, her parents were really upset because they felt like she was insulting them by saying they weren’t important to her. When she broke up with her boyfriend – who was wealthy and dishonest – and started dating my dad – who was poor and outspoken and a Christian – they started going out of their way to make her life miserable. They cleaned out her room and threw all the stuff onto the front porch, kicking her out. My grandpa told her he hated my dad. There wasn’t any reason, he clarified. He just hated him. My mom could have responded in turn by finding ways to make their lives more difficult. But instead she prayed for them until they died and encouraged us to pray for them as well.

Temptations/trials come upon us when we least expect them; when things are peaceful and quiet. Things were fine for Job then suddenly one day he was struck to the core in every area of his life. He didn’t have breathing room between the blows of destructive news. Even the strongest are tempted and hurt, but when we remain faithful despite the trials, even heathen cry “there must be something in the religion of God or else how can these people gladly give up their lives and happily bear these troubles?”

Happy is the man whose shield can catch and quench all the fiery darts of the enemy.

2 ) The blessing gained is this, that our faith is tried and proved.

We try self examination often but it doesn’t help much; actual trial is much more effective for revealing ugliness inside. The way you find out if you are a good soldier is to go out to the battle, testing the ship is by putting it on the water and see if she weathers the storm.

Trial proves our sincerity.

Proves the truthfulness of the doctrine itself.

Your own faith in God is proved when you cling to Him in temptation/trial.

It is a beautiful thing to learn the great strength of our Lord. One feels great internal victory when it is proved to Satan the purity of motives.

Trials are like fire, they burn up nothing but the dross, and they make the gold all the more purer. To be refined, metals must be heated up to extreme temperatures and then beaten. It’s the same with our faith.

Trials teach us patience and how to take abuse without retaliation; wisdom teaches us to act without undue haste. Suffering teaches us patience, patience without unbelief, and belief without wavering.

The last year and a half I and both my parents have suffered extreme illness and injury, have lost close family members to death, been rejected by those most dear to us, and betrayed by those we trusted. In one week I recovered from swine flu, my parents’ house burned down, my aunt died, and I had to go to the emergency room. And that was just the beginning. My nick name was Job. But I learned through all of that that God is sovereign, He is faithful, He provides, and He never leads us to what He won’t bring us out of if we trust Him. Since then, when hard times come I am less quick to panic and far more ready to fall on my knees in prayer. I am learning to pray three times more than I talk about a thing.

The Christian learns to say, “I believe my God, and therefore if the vision tarry I will wait for it. My time is not yet come. I am to have my worst things first and my best things afterwards, and so I sit me down at Jesus’ feet and tarry his leisure.”

We learn endurance. We learn to be grateful. Little things. It seems like every time I go overseas, there is some traumatic experience with getting clean. The first time the power went out right after I had so many soap suds in my hair it looked like I had a white afro. For some reason this effected the plumbing, and the water died as well. It was interesting trying to get to a place appearance wise where I felt confident showing myself in public. Another time our indoor plumbing died altogether and the well was about three blocks away uphill through cow paths and washed out gullies. I couldn’t bathe for a week, but I was going in and out of Gypsy villages and the little girls all loved playing with my hair. But to them, lack of bathing is normal, so when they played with my hair, all the dirt and grease from their hands was transferred on to me. When our water was fixed and I finally washed my hair the water was black. I think it’s almost every time I get into the shower here in the states that I thank God for dependable, hot running water!

And the cool thing is that people watch what is happening to us and see that we will endure. Then when trials come into their lives and we encourage them, they see the depth of our words because we know what we are talking about. My host grandma died last year and I was able to call my host mom. Usually when Americans try to comfort internationals they aren’t too sure about taking their comfort because it seems flippant but because she knew what my family had been through she listened and it meant a lot to hear once she heard what I had to say.

Conclusion: We are all preparing for ministry, and many of us are preparing for leadership in ministry. While leadership initially looks glamorous and like it ought to be a fun experience, the fact of the matter is that there is a lot of dirt and pain in that role. The same is true of ministry of any kind, or even just Christian living.

Instead of being shocked when hard times come, let’s begin now at learning how to handle these situations; by studying passages like James 1:2-4. Let’s learn how to encourage one another now and begin asking God to put a guard over our mouth so that we bless one another and give glory to God through all our hardships.

Old pictures, thoughts and memories

Found some 'old' picture CD's while going through some old boxes and found these. While it doesn't look like I'll be taking any trips in the near future, my traveling foot is itching. So I thought I would post some of them, and also give you an update as to what God has been doing recently.

I think its been partially due to the fact that there's been some helpful attempts to cure me and a good friend of mine of that horrid condition, sans husband. And my reaction is to either take them to school as to why that is not helpful, or to simply run away. I know, neither of which are helpful or functional... but its still my immediate reaction.

While she and I both appreciate the good intentions behind the gestures, neither of us see the need for concern from anyone, as the Lord has been doing a huge work in both of us as far as finding our contentment and fulfillment in Christ alone. May sound over spiritual, but that is what it is. And God has blessed us with some great friends.

If we weren't single, I don't think we could enjoy all the platonic friendships God has been showering us with.

Or be available for all the different ministry opportunities that keep coming our way. Its been weird having to turn down stuff the last few weeks. Saturdays are crazy, and there's always opportunities to fill them with more stuff.

While I'm thankful that there is too much instead of not enough, its been a new challenge trying to discern what to keep and what to cut out, how to manage time... balancing relationships of all kinds with what needs to get done.

And learning the difference between what I NEED and what I WANT. And how to clearly represent the difference both to myself and others when talking about it. Or learning how to just not talk about it at all, except in prayer.

And seeing the Lord provide tiny gestures of compassion and grace in small things, and thanking Him for them.
And trying to be still and at peace so that I can overflow with blessings upon others. I've really been convicted recently of trying to discern if what I'm saying is edifying or just jabbering. I don't have it down to a fine art by any means. Its funny how when I have the best of intentions, things are still so poorly communicated. I'm not sure if thats a lack on my part or others' issues, and I've been praying about it.
(And I'm feeling rather melodramatic right now because I've got these cool pictures that I took a couple years ago that I really feel should be on some halmark card somewhere, and I'm listening to the 'Blood Diamond' soundtrack ;-) And its late and I've had a crazy busy fun day with waaaay too much sugar in it and a ton of different accents. :-D)

There's something really nice about typing with the lights off with it raining gently outside in the dark with good instrumental music with a minor key's lilt to it. :-)

We read through the book of Romans this evening, and then shared some interesting stories. A Pastor was beaten up in Rajasthan, India a few days ago, and his church is really scared right now. A Christian girl was kidnapped in a Muslim country... a thousand Pakistani's came to Christ last week... a church leader or two was assassinated in Pakistan. So we prayed for them, we prayed for us...
We prayed for where God is going to take us in the future and that no matter what we would be faithful and a light for Christ. On the one hand it was rather intimidating, asking for these things, knowing that when one submits to the Lord, anything will happen. But at the same time it was exhilarating, knowing that when one is submitted to the Lord, anything will happen! And it will be His will!!
And I wondered once again, thinking about where my family has been and is and where I have been and am... why does God give an extra measure of Grace and provision and comfort to some, despite being in the midst of the Fire... while others feel left alone by Him? And one of my dear friends said to me, "you cannot ask God 'why this and not that,' you can only thank Him for what is and seek to be faithful to those who don't have."
I was talking with another friend last night and we were talking about church leadership and dysfunction amongst laity and how to be a Christian serving in a secular workplace without being obnoxious for the Faith and at the same time not being invisible for the Gospel. Its a fine line and we didn't figure it out, although I did determine by the end of it that people are gonna be mad either way, so mights as well have them mad at you for holding onto the Truth rather than compromising, feeling guilty and STILL having people mad at you.

And I have concluded I have no idea what God is going to do with my future. My friend laughed and said in mock exasperation as I talked animatedly about yet ANOTHER mission field in ANOTHER country, 'I hear a different country from you every time we speak! You just can't make up your mind, can you?' Well.. they all need the Gospel and sound COOL as far as culture and language and clothing go, so...

All that to say I don't know exactly what God is doing or where He is taking me or what is going to happen in the future. But I do know that He is giving me opportunities for Sanctification. And I also know I miss Magda's coffee. And I miss Geza and I arguing about beverage health benefits or lack thereof. And I miss wandering the village, meeting familiar faces and being greeted by a handshake. But I know I'm where God wants me, and I know that He has a purpose and is blessing me on a daily basis with new friends and old friendships deepening and new opportunities opening up. And I'm excited to see what God has.

Worship song

We sang this in Chapel today. I've heard it before and the lyrics always are a convicting reminder and profound encouragement. I hope it blesses you today.

Verse 1:

This is my prayer in the desert

When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

Verse 2:
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

Chorus:
I will bring Praise
I will bring Praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
This is my prayer in the Battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror an co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

(Chorus)

Bridge:
All of my life
In every Season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow.

(Chorus)

~Artist Hillsong United Album Across the Earth Song Desert Song~