Which requires more faith: dealing directly with God and trusting the unseen in the physical realm,
OR
dealing with man and the seen, in which the spiritual realm is still very real and present, yet not as tangible?
I'll explain what I mean through an example. Which missionary has more faith: the one who is part of a faith-based organization, relying on prayer for support (like George Mueller)
OR
A missionary who is part of an organization which provides his physical needs and has a network of prayer support, but bureaucratic, rather micromanaging tendencies in the name of ensuring constancy in the vision and goal of its workers?
Because the former deals directly with the Almighty who is Unseen but always Present and Perfect and reliable.
The second deals with imperfect humans who are obnoxious and irritating and backstabbing, and one must again rely completely on the Lord for feedback and guidance when interacting with said individuals. Not saying that ALL of them are like that ALL the time, but that particular aspect IS more ready in the second setting than the first. Just sayin.'
It has recently occurred to me that my time as a full time undergrad student is entering into its final chapter (providing no further catastrophe's decide to drop in on my life, that is) and I need to start thinking about what I'm going to do with myself once I get that much-coveted piece of paper that says I'm a real person who has a brain (i.e. my diploma). There's several options of what I could do and they are all good. The trouble is which applications do I start praying about and filling out and which ones do I not even bother about?
Part of me isn't worried about it at all and the other part is trying to not start hyperventilating from anxiety. There's been so much wierdness and transition in my life for the last year and a half and it was so nice to just have a breather this semester of nothing wacky disrupting life (shoot, I've gotten all my papers turned in on time this semester, and decent grades on all my tests!! do you know how LONG its BEEN since that happened?!) and now I've got to start looking ahead to the next big transition. What to do after graduation. Shoot. I don't WANNA!
Part of me looks with longing at my friends who will graduate with the M.R.S. degree, and another part of me is incredibily releived that I"m not yet 'chained to a house of stone' as Tolkien's character says (somewhat paraphrased) in "The Return of the King" (BOOK, not movie). On the one hand its intimidating to have that aspect of my future completely open for any possibility and on the other hand profoundly liberating and adventuresome to trust the fact that I serve an amazing God who has amazing plans and will do amazing things with me as I am and bring amazing people into my future. A guest speaker in class today mentioned the fact that as single people we can hop into the car for off-hand road trips and are far more open to ministry at late night hours in out-of-the-way places than people with families are. And while I have been told numerous times that I am CLEARLY not called to be single, I am incredibly thankful for this season of singleness.
There's a recruiter on campus who works for a faith-based organization. Talking with him today revealed a ministry that reflected many of the mentalities and guiding principles that I was convicted of when I returned home from the mission field in 2006. While I don't know if this is the particular ministry God wants me to work with long term, it has definately given me food for thought and caused me to examine mindsets and mentalities I have grown out of in the last few years. Or areas that I haven't wanted to think about because of the 'survival mode' I had been operating under since October of 2009. Not trying to sound TOO dramatic or anything. Its just I've got 'The Last Samurai" soundtrack playing while I write this, and emotionally - extended family passing away, my parent's house fire, and other personal drama - its felt like I've had a finger over the 'red alert, panic stations' button for a while.
SO while the faith-based organization is appealing, I'm realizing that I've turned into a chicken regarding faith for crazy, long term things. SO the question to be voiced in my prayer life now is, have I 'lost' an aspect of young faith that I had when I was 18, or have I grown and matured in my faith and learned that certain things simply aren't 'wise'?
Some very good friends of mine (its a whole family) are, along with their church, supporting a student from Africa who is bringing his family over while he finishes school, despite severe financial setbacks. The constant question this family has asked themselves is, 'when does it stop being faith and become simply crazy?'
A lot of the stories you read about amazing faith-filled lives (greats such as George Mueller, Gladys Ailward, Corrie Ten Boom, etc) include stories of pure craziness.
There is a difference between crazy faith and foolishness, but again, how does one differentiate?
I was asked today in class by the guest speaker, "Out of all the places you've lived, which one is your favorite?" I asked for clarification. "Well which one would you like to move back to and settle down in?"
Well to be frank I couldn't answer him; not because I've hated all the places I've lived but because for whatever reason the thought of 'settling down' and planning where I live just hasn't ever been on the radar for a while. God opens doors and I either run through them or get kicked through them. Never entirely sure what is happening at the time, but sure that the fingerprints of God are all over the events. (I didn't say it half as good as that at the time)
Yes I am definitely in ramble-mode. Sorry.
So all that to say, the Lord has just been bringing people into my life that have me constantly evaluating and praying and Listening and searching Scripture and Waiting and Wondering.
SO the reason for the opening question is... faith based organization run in a fashion similar to George Mueller's operation...
or the safer route... IMB? Not sure.
They both have pro's and con's. They both have areas in which I strongly agree and area's in which I'm not entirely sure I stand and other areas that... well, please just don't ask my opinion of it, thank you. ;-) But its that way with anything...
I know I've got about a year and a half to make decisions, but as I said... application processes take six months to a year...
And I REALLY don't want to be one of those graduates who collapses with relief upon getting the diploma from the Dean and doesn't DO anything for a year or two...
Okay enough of sending my wack-job thoughts and musings into the void. I'm going to bed. Unless, of course, my dear roomie wants to let me have more of her lamb-mushroom-curry-amazingness that she let me try a few seconds ago.... *smacks lips*
:-D
p.s. Okay so the websites for the two mission organizations I'm talking about in this post are:
IMB:
http://www.imb.org
WEC
http://www.wec-usa.org
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