paths and light

It was that horrible part of the month when the moon didn't rise for a few days. Because it was winter, the stars were veiled in the night sky. The sidewalk was an example of the depravity of mankind and a testimony to Communist quality (or lack thereof) and the cobblestones peeking out underneath the gaping holes in the road's blacktop might have been set down by the Romans in BC days. The road and the sidewalk were separated by a 10-foot deep ditch filled with snow sludge, cow manure, dirt washed off from the nearby fields, and last summer's grass.
And pre-European Union Transylvania did not believe in street lights!!!!
My host sister had been walking this life-threatening trail since she could walk and remembered when many of the snags and cracks had formed. She walked with confidence, never breaking her stride, matter-of-factly blazing the trail in front of us, plunging into the inky blackness that opened before us as we left the church.
I, however, was not nearly so confident.
First of all, the crags, snags, and jags of the way in which we were traveling spelled death to my American feet, unaccustomed as they were to walking everywhere we went, let alone on that kind of byway.
Second, I will admit this: I just don't like dark. I mean, I like it when I am trying to fall asleep. Thats it. Dim, sure. Night time with night lights where teeny specks of lumination glow and bring warm fuzzy feelings, sure. Pitch black? Forget it.

So I slowed down. In fact, I barely creeped forward. My host brother walking behind me almost crashed into me.
"NA!" He exclaimed in surprise. Our fearless leader turned around in surprise, but didn't see a reason for the interjection, so resumed her pace. I was too proud to ask her to slow down, because then I'd have to admit my fear of the dark, and the sidewalk, and I wasn't about to do that. (I've had a few years of sanctification since this took place ;-D)
Hungarians are an observant bunch. As I was picking my way, trying to speed up but not trip, suddenly a blinding light illuminated my path. It seriously was really really bright at first. I turned with surprise to see what it was.
My host brother had turned on his cell phone, which gave off a very very dim light, and was holding it over my shoulder so that I could see where I was going.
The thing is, cell phones 5 years back did not give off the brightest light.
However, my eyes were starting to adjust to the dark dark darkness of that Transylvanian winter night. So even a little light was almost overwhelming.
I was sooo grateful for that light. I could see where I was going!!!!

However, I realized I couldn't see that far ahead of me. In fact, just barely ahead of where I wanted to plant my feet next as I picked up my stride. However, it didn't matter, as I knew my guide knew where we were going, and I had a light held by someone I trusted who was making sure I didn't trip. Showing me what to do just then.

Now, I'm utilizing poetic license here to slightly dramatize the situation, as it illustrates a dilemma I've been struggling with for the last few months.
Gosh darn it, I knew where I was supposed to go and who I was gonna minister to, and how, and somewhat when.
However, the chain of events starting almost exactly a year ago have completely incinerated all such plans.
Its slightly irritating.

Today I sang with the college choir at the Seminary chapel. Before we started I noticed a couple I have seen at my church. The husband is deaf and the wife is hearing. I haven't had a chance to talk with them yet, but took the opportunity when we took a five minute break right before the chapel started to run say hi.
I haven't practiced my Signing in over a year.
But both were thrilled to meet a fellow 'Signer'
The husband watched us while we talked and signed at the same time so he could follow our conversation and the wife asked what I was studying. I told her missions.
"Have you thought about Deaf Missions?" (a new focus the International Mission Board has been emphasizing recently, as there is a huge need for Deaf Ministries overseas)
"Yeah I've thought about it. I'm a little overwhelmed right now with all the different options I have though."
"Well, how much longer do you have at school?"
"After this semester a year and a half." (suppressed squawk of shock, thrill, pride, and terror at that statement)
She laughed and her signing became a full-bodied expression.
"Honey you have TIME! God will show you at the right moment what to do and not before."
We laughed.

At the beginning of the semester I was griping to a guy friend my dilemma of not knowing the specifics of what God was doing in my life, why such intense refinement, why did my dreams and plans have to be shattered.
I love this friend because he is arguably brilliant yet very unassuming about it. He's one of those throw-back hippies who expect people to act smart and logically and don't have the time of day for those who don't. It can be irritating of course but also very helpful.
"You know, I really struggled with that too. Why did God send me to the Mission Field and have me fall in love with it right before my health completely broke? I can't live far from American medicine; I'll die without it now. God knew that. He also knew I would fall in love with South American when He sent me. It drove me nuts for a while. God could heal me. He doesn't. Why? And God kept bringing me the verse in Psalm 119:105 "Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." That frustrated me because I was like, 'God! I AM reading Your word! I don't get it!' And then I thought about what kind of lights they used back then. Really small hand held oil lamps that only lit up the path directly in front of you. And I realized, when God gives you direction He only gives you enough for what is directly in front of you."
In Exodus 16, Israel complains because they don't have food. So in verse 4 the Lord tells Moses that He is going to rain Manna down from Heaven. (Manna is a Hebrew word that has been transliterated because saying "Manna" sounds better than saying "What is it" which is what Manna means. Manna = what is it. See verse 14-15)
"...and the people shall go out and gather a day's portion every day, that I may test them, whether they will walk in my law or not. On the sixth day, when they prepare what they bring in, it will be twice as much as they gather daily." (Exodus 16:4-5)
It has always struck me that God only allowed the Israelites to collect the day's portion of food. Only on the Sabbath - the day they were to rest and reflect on God's goodness - could they gather enough for two days.
I find myself wanting enough for today and tomorrow. However God also said that He was going to test the Israelite's faith by limiting them to one day. They, unfortunately rather predictably, failed the test and gathered enough for two days, frustrating Moses and witnessing the Lord making their food moldy, unclean, and just plain gross.
Its not a nasty test, its just an example to me of my lack of faith, which is just as appalling as that mess of worms and mold the Manna turned into.
Proverbs 4:18 says "But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day."
Dawn doesn't come all at once. It starts as a very small tiny light on the horizon. Barely clouding the stars. Then it grows slowly, easing back the blanket of stars, chasing them to the opposite horizon as the various morning colors slowly overtake the sky. First the velvety black blue of the outer space the stars peek out from, then a lighter blue and bright purples, and then the warm orange and reds that announce the sun is about to come up.
But it starts slowly. Its mistakeable for something else. But then, agonizingly slow it seems at first, or unnoticeably, suddenly things are not shadows and dark shapes anymore, but merely dim, and you can see whats in front of you, and then you see them clearly.

"For the LORD gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge

and understanding; He stores up sound wisdom for the upright;

He is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths

of justice and watching over the ways of His saints. Then you will

understand righteousness and justice and equity, every good path;

for wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be

pleasant to your soul; discretion will watch over you, understanding

will guard you..."

Proverbs 2:6-11

To just wait for His wisdom to come and illuminate and guide in His timing. I'm sure at first I'll be blinded by it like I was by the cell phone in Romania. "WHAT THE MESS KIND OF PLAN IS THAT?" I'm sure I'll yell in flabergastation when "The Plan" is finally revealed. "THAT'S what You've been preparing me for?!?! Well for goodness' sakes, why didn't You just SAY that in the first place?" And then the realization will hit me, as my eyes adjust to the new illumination, that if He had shown me that earlier, I would have been completely blinded, not just dazzled.

So anyway I've just been mulling over these things pretty much all semester. So I thought I'd get it out of my system and send it into cyberspace. :-) I hope it encourages you; but it is late, and I've been praparing for midterms and class presentations and a spur-of-the-moment-mission-of-mercy-trip some AMAZING buddies from school have thrown together to help my family in rebuilding their house (which is STILL undergoing reconstruction and refurbishing from the house fire that happened almost a YEAR ago... how time flies and at the same time limps by... it seems like yesterday and also another lifetime ago...)

All that to say, I'm exhausted, and I fear it may show in my writing. :-)

In Christ,

~Princess Ouch~

Proverbs 31 paper

I'm back to the part of the semester where I feel guilty if I don't post but I have no time to think of anything creative after I'm done writing my papers for school. So I post my papers from school. This was for my Hermeneutics class. Hope you enjoy. :-)

Proverbs 31 is a beautiful piece of literature that encompasses the moral values of many lifestyles and faiths. This cluster proverb is divided into two parts, where verses 1-9 speak to one King Lemuel about how to go about a godly kingship, while verses 10-31 paint a vivid picture of a woman who can be described as nothing less than admirable. Her passion to serve her family is evident. The skill in which she balances family, social, and business life is huge.

Many women have bemoaned the Proverbs 31 woman, as it seems to paint an ideal picture that can never be lived up to realistically. However, what the author intends to communicate is not to burden Jewish women of that time nor Christian women of this, but to inspire them through ideals that are understandably unreachable. It gives concepts of measurements that, when reached, should cause a man to acknowledge his gratefulness to the Lord for providing such a woman in his life. It should inspire him to become a man worthy of such a woman. When women see their fellow sisters living in such a way as Proverbs 31 describes, it is intended that celebration and joy that such diligence has been accomplished. Mothers can admonish and train their daughters with these exhortations and fellow Christians warn one another against pursuing someone who does not display these characteristics.

The rabbi’s of Orthodox Jewish communities utilize a teaching tool called a Midrash. This is a recorded fictitious account that gives explanation to various passages of Scripture; such as why a particular passage was explained in that way or what events provoked a prayer or thought pattern. There is a humorous Midrash that explains how Proverbs 31 came to be written. The morning after Solomon married Pharaoh’s daughter, he was so excited from the previous night’s revelry that he overslept. However, at that time the tradition was for there to be a daily morning service at the Temple. Solomon had the keys, and so the nation was unable to worship. Bathsheba, full of righteous indignation, marched into the King’s quarters, dragged him out of bed, tied him to a pole, and delivered Proverbs 31 to him in speech form. Her intention was to rebuke both Solomon for allowing himself to become besotten with the beautiful Egyptian woman and too much wine. She was admonishing her son in verses 1-9 and the pagan gentile in verses 10-31, while at the same time delivering an ideal for the king to look for. While this story is rather humorous and fictitious, it still conveys the understanding that this piece was written for both men and women, and to be used for instruction.

There is no biblical account of a King Lemuel. Lemuel can be translated as ‘Upon God.’ Lemo ‘upon’ - the same word that Job used Job 40:4 when he said ‘I put my hand upon my mouth; and El meaning ‘God.’ As Solomon spent at least part of his life leaning upon God and his wisdom, it is reasonable to assume that Lemuel was another name for Solomon.. However, another explanation is that Lemuel is another form of the name Lael, such as the one spoken of in Numbers 3:24. If that is the case, and these proverbs are taken from another culture, then it is beautiful to see how virtues and morals transcend culture and time. This passage communicates to rich, poor, believers, pagans, male, female, ancient and modern. Orthodox Jewish rabbi’s have included this passage in a book of prayers that is read aloud once a week in the Jewish home, as they recognize that it speaks to every member in the home.

As a single woman in college with no current romantic ties, it would be easy for me to dismiss Proverbs 31 as applicable to me in any way at this time. However, my international friends keep pointing out that the habits and lifestyle I embrace during this time will be carried over into married life. And so I examine my tendencies in the light of Scripture and see what implications they offer that I can apply to my daily life now.

The proverbs 31 woman is a faithful steward of not only her home, but any opportunities that come her way to improve the standard of living that she and her loved ones have. She is physically fit (verse 17) and tasteful in food (verse 14). However, it is clear from the rest of the passage that she is a shrewd businessperson (verses 18, 24, etc). Therefore, she is going to eat well but also get her money’s worth. I have recently discovered that the spice Cardamom is an amazing substance that is good in pretty much anything; meat, tea, desert, etc. However, it is between $10 and $15 at Kroger. I discovered to my joy that it is only $3.50 at World Market, just down the road. While more convenient to buy all groceries at once, this Scripture passage encourages putting forth the effort to be frugal while at the same time eating well.

Not only does the woman care for herself and her family, but this woman makes time for others (verse15b and 20). It is easy for me to explain away my time towards being a faithful student and upbeat employee, but if I use all my time for myself and do not show compassion towards those around me, I am not being virtuous. Right now this takes various forms; praying for and with my room mates, sending my family encouragement as they try to rebuild their lives from several hard events that took place last year, or simply taking my friend who is an international student grocery shopping.

The second implication in my life is comparing the kind of man described in Proverbs 31:10-31. The emphasis is on the woman, but the husband is mentioned. He trust her (verse 11), and he is well known amongst the elders who sit at the gate (verse 23). He praises his wife openly (verse 28). In biblical times, if a man sat amongst the elders at the gate, it meant that he was respected and wise. He was intelligent. A Proverbs 31 man is one who is willing to open his heart to his wife, trusts her judgment, talks about her to his friends and coworkers, and is godly and intelligent as well. He also allows her a great deal of freedom to fulfill her calling and use her gifts and talents. The husband does not keep his wife from conducting many business transactions that take her out of the home. She is free to buy and sell property without her husband’s permission, and interacts a good deal with merchants and international tradesmen who consider her work. The husband is not with her; he is at the gates. He trusts her to have such interactions and praises her for them. This leads me to my third implication.

I have always recognized the gender roles the Lord has placed upon men and women. Obviously the man is the head of the family and the house. However, it is clear that there is a partnership occurring in this scripture passage. This woman completes her tasks in the home, but many of her activities take her out of the home. While her husband receives praise for her generosity, creativity, and wisdom, this is not the main point. She does it because it is the sensible thing to do. She would do it even if it did not reflect directly on her husband’s good name, although she certainly would avoid it if there were any risk at damaging it. The partnership between the man and woman to fulfill their life’s calling in a complimentary way is evident. When the time comes for me to consider a spouse, that will be a matter of strong consideration. Can I partner with this man? Does he expect me to do nothing to contribute to the ministry God has called him to? Does he expect me to do all the work for the ministry and simply collect the glory for himself? Does he want to do all the work and let me collect the praise or not allow me to do anything to contribute? Or can we both work together, as brother and sister in Christ and also as man and woman, strengthening and encouraging one another to fulfill God’s calling in each others life?

The three implications again are as follows: How do I apply these things in my daily life, and how are they manifested in men I prayerfully notice. Finally, following the mentalities and lifestyles indicated, will a potential spouse be a life partner, following the scriptural roles given and indications of this passage?

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Crossway Publishers, The ESV Study Bible (Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway Publishers 2008)

Phillips, John Exploring Proverbs, Volume Two: An Expository Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel Publications, 1996)

Plant, Gunther W. Book of Proverbs (New York, NY: Union of American Hebrew Congregations, 1961)

jogging

so... my friend and I each have insane schedule's. BUT we both like to work out.

And we both want to be as in-shape as is possible working 2 jobs each and taking a full load of classes.

So we decided to work out today.

She innocently suggested we go jogging.

I foolishly suggested we go to Cherokee park and jog.

2 problems:

1. She is African

2. Cherokee is full of hills.

Now, the first isn't a PROBLEM its just African's physiological build is much more conducive to running long distances with no training and still ending smiling and saying 'hey, that was fun' than us wimpy white girls.

And this particular girl friend of mine is slightly masochist, likes to push herself and set high goals. And take her friends with her.

This is good if you want a killer work out, which I did.

However, there were a few points where she looked at me and said, 'I think I'm gonna be carrying your corpse back to your apartment.' I would have agreed but I was too busy trying to suck oxygen into my screaming lungs.

I did finish the jog, although with a slight limp.

WHICH the apostle Paul said he FINISHED the race, he didn't say he finished it RUNNING. (thank you, Pastor Hester, for that clarification!!!)

"The body was meant for endurance and PAIN, Rachel! The Christian likes to go through pain and come out stronger!!" my friend would cheer at me as I gasped and wheezed up-hill.

So the moral of the story is: If you think you are in shape, go jogging. You will quickly discover differently.

I'm trying to think of a good Christian analogical application of it, but my lungs are still slightly burning and all my brain function is going towards repairing muscles and figuring out how to get all my homework done before tuesday. hehe... oh yeah, homework.

See, the college experience would be so much more enjoyable with out it. ;-)

Pesky details.

Okay. Am leaving now to go enjoy a cup of African Hot Chocolate and finish laundry.

(p.s. I did have my friend preview this before publishing to make sure all was politically correct and unoffensive to her ;-D)

~Princess Ouch~