P: For those of you with laptops, here is a thumb drive with the notes you'll need. Open 'Theo2'
S: (who will also be a Greek 2 student when the semester starts) Not Greek 2?
P: Have you studied for the Greek exam next week?
S: Define study.
P: Are you prepared?
S: Define prepared.
P: So you are either going to pass... or fail miserably.
S: All of the above.
P: You are going to fail miserably and simultaneously pass miserably?! That is an existentialistic conundrum!
On the outline you will see the date to turn in homework on time highlighted in yellow, underlined, and bold. I'm not sure what else to do to emphasize the importance of this. If there were a 3-D option, I'd do that. TURN YOUR HOMEWORK IN ON TIME!!
P: Where's the thumb drive?
S: It's right here... still loading... almost done.
P: ALMOST done? What, do you have a gerbil on a whell running your computer?
Why do we bring hymnals to class? Martin Luther said to never trust a theologian who doesn't sing. THe last thing that should be our goal in this class is to merely make you smart... Theology ought to produce worship. TO put it in rather heady terms, theology into doxology.
You know this class is going to be terribly boring unless you give me some kind of feedback and interaction...
This professor of mine (during his undergrad years) was just sort of dark and strange... like all philosophy professors are. See Dr. (rival professor who is the head of the philosophy department and also a hard-core vegan). I mean, how do you become a vegan? SOmething is just not right there anymore. I can't hardly go out to eat with him anymore. He's like, Somewhere in this sauce there is an anchovy!!
I think the ESV study Bible may be the greatest publication the Church has put out. Ever! Its 4 pounds of SPiritual Health...
WEll, that concept is so big we could drive a truck through it. So lets break it down
This concept has led to several conclusions. Some of it is crazy and some of it is downright stupid.
Despite all the pictures, Jesus was not white! He looks like Fabio in our depictions. NO! He was a little Jewish guy! Dark hair, dark eyes!
There was this garage I worked in, and whenever Freebird came on, I kid you not, they took their hats off their heads, put it over their hearts and waited until the song was done. I couldn't get any work done. SO one day I brought some Skinner to work. And before it was like I was the little peon, but NOW I was their PEER!
The thing I will forgeit everything for is my girls' honor. If you see in the News or Baptist Press, 'Professor relieved from duty and incarcerated' its cause I got two girls.I mean I'll beat the guy up and shoot 'im... or vice versa.... I'm from Louisiana so we got guns!
When Michelle Obama ... not exactly a bastion of conservative theology ... when she said she was not going to get a job but said she would stay home and raise her daughters, do you know she was eaten alive by the media! Especially women. Especially by that one... oh whats her name... she has a funny accent...
S: One pre-marital counselor wouldn't see a couple if they didn't bring in a budget.
P: Yeah! Although I know some of you are like, 'I don't need a budget 'cause I don't have any money!!' Look, you make ANY money, you write it down!!
I knew I was gonna spend too much time on this 'cause I'm more passionate about family life than anybody I know. I just can't wait to get home! I wanna get home, I wanna get home, I wanna get home! We got home from a family vacation and my boys simultaneously hugged both sides of the house.
If I had given you ALL the notes you needed for this class, you would just check out. I KNOW the depravity that exists in this room.
S: So (in the Trichotomist's view) is the soul eternal?
P: No. Just the spirit.
S: So animals, from the Trichotomist's view, WON'T be in Heaven?
P: Nope.
Student 2: NO! C.S. Lewis CAN'T be wrong!!! Don't kill Narnia!
*laughter*
S: Can we take a break?
P: What, you need to take a moment to process this? That Fluffy won't be in Heaven?
S: *delightedly* Yeah!
(later, after discussing Dichotomist view on soul/animals)
P: I don't know how this will all work out. But as I say in my eschatology course, we'll see!
S: So we should all become Vegans?
P: HEAVENS no! God gave us taste-buds for a reason! Why do you think that IS?!
S2: Veggies taste too!
P: Yeah. Bad. I'm talking about ENJOYING food!
S2: Well, if they are organic they taste great.
P: Oh I'm a great proponent of organic. I mean, we should take care of our creation! I'm not talking about being a bunch of locusts!
S3: Hey, John the Baptist ate locusts! We could -
P: NO! That is a WHOLE 'nother thing; I am NOT talking about that!
Isn't that a cool name? I want to be something of a location... like Appolinarius of Laodicea. I want to be (prof's last name) of Louisiana....
P: I would have loved to live in the 60's. That would have been fun... interesting.
S: I could see you in tie-dye.,
P: That would appeal to my depravity far too much... flower power baby...
P: Me and (other prof) have stashes of horible blackmail pictures of the other in college... its sort of like Russia and the United States during the cold war. Neither is going to fire on the other as it will result in death for everyone. However, he and I have gotten down to Epcon 1 a few times. LIke he just really gets on my nerves and I'm like... if i just slip this on to Youtube or Facebook... I hope you got a good buddy. Mutually assured distruction. Good things for body and soul.
So don't go home and be on Facebook till 4 am. Its not that important. Get sleep. You can check it tomorrow. NOT IN HERE! *slams palm on table* But you can check it in the morning.
P: Trust me, I don't feel a bit older than i did when I was 18. I feel older and smarter and wiser, but not older. Life gets so much more interesting and fun the older you get.
(Older student in late 40's): I feel like I'm just getting started!
P: I feel like I hadn't started YET!
(Student age 19): I feel like I haven't even been BORN yet!!
P: Does anyone own Erickson's Theology book?
S: We only salute Grudem.
P: *snorts and smiles* you only salute Grudem. Yeah but you can still purchase Erickson!
If I'm gonna die and someone needs my kidney... by all means, take it! Take two!
Today we are talking about the doctrine of sin. This is *Student's name* specialty. Well, that is, the doctrine of sin. Sin in general is all yawl's specialties.
So you had these two silo's of biblical and theological thought that were just launching missiles at each other, and you HAD to choose one or the other. It was sort of like the Hatfield's and McCoy's... or Westside story... no middle ground.
I mean, that would make a great book. "How to whittle down a crowd" by the Lord Jesus. I mean He would say stuff - the Romans thought the Early Church were cannabilistic and incestuous. So Jesus says this shocking thing, and how many are left after that? Twelve. And do you know what Jesus did then? He turns to those twelve and says, "Aren't ya'll gonna leave too?"
And don't forget your place, creature! Let's not forget our place!
P: We'll just kind of scoot through these kind of quickly.. did I just say scoot?
S: Yes you did.
P: Wow. I haven't used that verb in a long time... what's the Greek root behind that word?
P: Now Gluttony... we don't talk about that one as Baptists that much.
S: YOu don't mess with our fried chicken.
P: NO you don't! But you can glut yourself on prtty much anything... sleep, facebook... nothing wrong with Facebook but 8 hours at a time is too much!
P: Do NOT base your theology off of StarWars!
S:I only base my theology off of Star Trek...
P: That's okay, I used to be somewhat of a Trekkie. Speaking of which, during the break you NEED to download the TOMTOM commercial with Darth Vader. They have one for Yoda as well.
*movement sensitive lights go out*
P: You know, that is REALLY getting old!
*Lights go back on after a slap sound on the ceiling*
P: Yay! Wait, what'd'ju throw at that?
S: Greek cards.
P: DUDE!S: WEll I just had them here...
P: Whatdju... as much as I want you to be studying Greek, DON'T STUDY THAT IN HERE!!
Abraham was about 99 and Sarah was 90. Sarah laughs because she is so old. The text is very clear she is past childbearing years. BUt in some way shape or form she's smokin' hot, because TWICE Abraham is afraid he is going to die because she is so pretty and guys want her so bad that Abraham is afraid he's gonna be killed..
I used to drink coffee a lot. But that made me jittery. And then I started hating the taste of it. Plus, drinking all that liquid... there are other 'side effects' as well...
(Pelagius) was a moralist and simply wanted people ot live moral lives. From what we can tell, he was a strapping fellow, great orator, first one in Africa who had that cool British accent and everyone thought it was so awesome...
S: Why is your book so expensive?
P: The publisher regulates that. And typically, the market for that kind of stuff is not huge. In fact, it is not even small. I'd love for it to be small. But realistically, its more microscopic.
I hope they don't come down and tell us that the school is closed because of the weather. They tried to do that to me a couple years ago with a tornado warning and I refused to stop class. The power even went off, and I was like, "Get your laptops and cell phones out. Take yer notes by the light of your cell phones. We're going on!" So I think I kind of earned myself I reputation during that time. If the tornado comes we'll just hide under the tables and keep going. A fire comes... grab yerself a waterbottle and make sure your notes don't burn.
This is no longer drinking from a firehose... this is like standing under the Niagra Falls!
I am convinced that, as the author of Hebrews... no... I didn't write Hebrews. I mean as a reader of Hebrews.... man, wouldn't that be AWESOME if I could write something like Hebrews? But no. As a READER of Hebrews...I mean, look at Jonah. FIrst foreign missionary. Lottie Moon would've been proud. 'Course, he was rather a reluctant missionary... I mean... they come to repentance and he gets mad. They change their lives around he kicks the dust... okay so even he wasn't the best role model for foreign missions. Point is that the ancient Jews didn't quite understand GOd's purpose for them in being a light for the nations.
Jehovah's wintesses came to my door once... they haven't come back. These two Jehovah's witnesses came to the dor of a SOuthern Baptist professor of Theology... hehehe... C'MON IN!!
P: How do you have an event outside of history?
S: Um... back to the future?
P: Hmmm.. listen ANYTHING can happen with 1.2 gigawatts.
(after break) Ok we're going to get back into it, so CELL PHONES DOWN! Or... off... whatever. All right lets roll on here.
Think about this... this is kind of cutting edge... like its still got the wrapper on it.
Jesus recognized the disciple's need for food. I mean He cooked fish for 'em. I'm not one so much for fish for breakfast, but I'm betting if the Lord Jesus cooked it, it was pretty good.
Heresies have been a very good thing in the past... please don't twitter that. And what I mean by that is that they force the Church to think more clearly than they did before the heretical attack.
I wish I could have hung out with Jesus and the guys. i mean, you think they were all stuffy and prudish? No! They were fun. I mean like, Peter smacks Jesus on the back and He smacks him back... scuffling.. WHAT these are GUYS! They would have been the coolest people to hang out with! Especially Peter James and John... that Inner Circle...
Ya'll don't fuss at Peter for sinkin,' at least he got outta da boat!
They (kids) come out programmed to do bad!
I would have liked to see a little more honest dialogue in that biblical account. "Why are you staring up at the sky?" "What do you MEAN why am I staring up at the sky?! I know this might be 'old hat' for you, Mr. Angel, but we don't get to see people floating up into the sky all that often!" not that they weren't honest.... I just wish they could have said a little more of what they must have been thinking. There's just some conversations I wish I could have been privy to. I hope when we get to heaven they like, roll back the security tapes of biblical/historical events so I get to watch!
This is Passion week in Jerusalem.. this is like... oh what is a good analogy... Super Bowl... Daytona Beach in Februrary... this is the one vacation everyone makes.
The only place to sit down in the Temple was the Mercy Seat. And you'd better not kick back in there. 'Oh man, I'm gonna take a load off." *ZAP!* (lights go out in classroom) Wow, perfect timing!
*student sets up skype session for sick student* There! Now if she asks any dumb questions, we can just mute her!
P: Yeah.. I wish I could mute YOU! You are gonna give me Computer lust!
S: Now that computer is going to shut down if you don't rub the mouse every so often. Do you want me to go over there and rub the mouse?
P: I would rather not... can we figure out a different verb?
S: Caress?
P: *other student* would you please occaisionally have physical contact with the tract pad of the computer please?
You know I'm a Greek nerd, and I can prove the theory of substitutionary atonement purely through Greek prepositions.
What's particularly effective for this side (of the debate) is to throw up some Bible verses and call it a day. I mean, throw a theological bomb and... walk on to your buffet.
THis view has too often been a rallying point and test of fellowship in hyper-Reformed circles; some of whom are on the 3rd and 4th floors of this building (3rd and 4th floors are where the guys dorms are)
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