more quotes from the professors

It is crunch time. Therefore, instead of expounding on how much this time of the semester is NOT my favorite, I have decided to go back over the semester and share some of the more humorous points.

"Honestly, you read some of those extra-biblical writings and it sounds like (rival professor of philosophy) expounding on some nutty off-topic point. You can tell him I said that, too. He's out sick today, taking some vegan Tylenol. But you listen to him talk and you say to yourself, 'there's something funny with that..."
~Professor~

"No one has figured out the fine balance of family life, and ministry, and work, and community. If you have, you are the pastor tomorrow!"
~Pastor~

Student 1: Would our country be ruined if China decided to cash in the national debt?"
Prof: Yes, but their country would DIE.
Student 1: Why?
Prof: We import important stuff like, I dunno, food. So they cash in we say, "ok no more food." Its a give-take relationship.
Student 2: So why do we even bother with paying 'em back then?
Prof: Because we're SUPPOSED to.
Student 2: Yeah, morality is HUGE in Washington.
Prof: Yeah... been that way for a while.

Prof introducing new topic in class: This un's a big mess. Just warnin' ya.

"The Christian worldview is fun 'cause I get to go on a lot of soap boxes..."
~Prof~

"Does that make sense? If not, someone ask a question."
~Prof~

"Yes, the Bible is a very emotional book! Every time there's babies being dashed up on the rocks, thats supposed to elicit emotion! Anytime theres DOOMED language, "YOU WILL BE DESTROYED" language, that's commissive!"
~Hermeneutics prof~

"It was so quiet you could've heard a pin drop on the CARPET it was so quiet!"

"So this dog pukes in the living room in front of the hosts AND guests. And if that weren't enough to just take it out and SHOOT it, this vile creature turns around, goes back to that which is unholy. And in one fell action that defies the laws of physics, the nasty dog just sucked it all in and it was GONE. Not 'chomp chomp chomp'. It just SUCKED it all in. And to this DAY I can never see a Doxen."
~Hermeneutics prof~

"Jeremiah was called a weeping prophet. "Most of you will die and the rest of you will be taken into captivity by the nation you hate." This is NOT the way you grow a mega church in ancient Israel!"

"We all die. Death is the ultimate transient. Do you think that after 60 years a couple looks at each other and say, 'Well that was pretty good. You can go now." That's preposterous! Sin is a painful transient."
~Pastor~

"And we're like, "ya know... I'm sorry Babylon got da kick-butt, but.... what does that have to do with me?"

Prof: "Don't make a parable walk on all fours."
Student: Okay what does that even MEAN?
Prof: Wow, that was meant to clarify, not confuse... it means don't read more meaning into it than was originally intended.
Student: Well, I'm not from Louisiana, so...

"Single people are more succeptable of idolatry because they don't have a real person; they can imagine that there might actually be a perfect person out there.
Married people are stripped of such delusions, but they aren't always happy about it."
~Pastor~

"Slow down and smell the first-century Palestinian air. Feel the dirt between your toes and having not bathed in over a week... consider the audience Jesus was speaking to."

Prof: What is the difference between a pictorial embellishment and a verbal embellishment?
Student 1: For the sake of the argument, could you define what you mean by 'embellishment'?
Prof: Imaginative extrapolation!
Student 2: oh. Okay. That clears it right up.

"So speaking of repentance, here are your graded exams."

"If I could just read my own writing... wait, that's typewritten. How am I supposed to read this gibberish at the bottom? How do I know that's your signature and not your cat?! What is that? STEVE?! Are you serious?"

"The grandchildren could have been poster children for the doctrine of original sin. You know the reason I felt called to the ministry was so I didn't have to do nursery duty. I mean 'I'd love to help but I have to preach'..."

"I'm gonna write random words on the board to keep YOU engaged and MY mind sharp"

"We have not gathered (on Sunday mornings) to do our personal devotions with 200 people! That's distracting. Corporate worship is WITH PEOPLE. Look at each other!"
~Pastor~

"(an older professor) asked me when I was young and at Seminary what my stance on women pastors was. With the exuberance of youth and the stupidity of speaking too quickly, I told him. (The professor) just looked at me and all he said was, "One day this will be a matter of great embarrassment to you." The effect of that embarrassment was instantaneous. I can still point to the spot on the seminary lawn where he said, "you, my young friend, are an idiot." (In the next 12 hours, the students view changed as he went to the library and looked up every book and Scripture verse on the subject)"
~Prof~