Confessions of Saint Augustine, section 16, chapter four.
The Word Itself calls me to return, and there is the place of rest. As I review the last few days and sip a cup of "Tension Tamer'' tea, I again wonder how on earth it is possible to feel so rested and at the same time so exhausted. But I guess I'm wired so that the more I physically exhaust myself, the more spiritual and mental rest I'm able to receive. If I sit still, my brain goes 90 miles per hour, but if I'm active, my brain takes a break. Weird.
But wait, I was getting all intellectual with Augustine and then went off into a tangent.
I talked with a Serbian Orthodox priest today, along with another priest's wife, as part of our people group research project we're doing over spring break in the Chicago area.
We had an interesting discussion with Father Marco, who presides over a huuuuuge Serbian orthodox parish in the area. The building is gorgeous, both inside and out. Here's a clip of the Nicene Creed being sung inside their sanctuary... er... yeah, that's what they call it, right?
However, Father Marco explained to us that the important thing is not the gold or fancy decorations inside the church. These are only meant to help us focus on the whole point of Faith, that is, Jesus Christ. The same with the icons. The point is not the icon, the point is the holy, sanctified person being represented. When looking at an icon, the point is to be inspired by the person and grow deeper in faith, not venerate the icon.
Eastern Orthodoxy and Roman Catholicism is fuel for much debate in theological training camps of the protestant faith. Most take the stand that it is not possible to be saved if under such spiritual leadership, or at the most barely possible. Mother Teresa maybe made it into Heaven... just because... but she was the exception.
However, at one point in the interview, I asked Father Marco point blank (in my characteristic, frank-to-a-fault directness... which both endears me to those at my school and at the same time makes them cringe and shudder. I confess I've felt regret occasionally for their discomfort, but not enough to mend the error of my ways. Still being sanctified, ya'll.)
"So may I ask you father, what is more important to you: that those you minister to become members of the Orthdox Church, or that they have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?"
I immediately felt a collective yet unarticulated gasp of horror from the other three in my group and everyone braced themselves while the priest looked down for a moment.
"I'm sorry, it's a difficult question and very personal, I should not have-"
"No no. It is not a difficult question at all. It is very simple. Of course Jesus Christ is most important. However, I know it is possible to have such relationship outside of the Church, but to reject all Church membership... I know one can be Christian but to not partake in fellowship with the body of Christ is... not good."
I did a research paper on the Eastern Orthodox Church for my English class a few semesters ago and was actually impressed with how they articulated many aspects of the Christian Faith. No worries, I'm not about to convert. But I'm not about to write off someone as bound for Hell because they go to an Orthodox Church. On the contrary. And I believe they have good things to teach us about discipleship, holiness, community, and sanctification.
But back to Augustine. This is the first time I've actually read read through Confessions, that is, not simply gotten the gist enough for a class discussion but really going through the sections I don't understand and digesting it. Bear with me while I seem to digress onto a tangent that does in fact have something to do with the quote at the beginning of this post:
I've been hanging out with a sister from Cameroon recently. Africans have impressed me for a while regarding how they understand Spirituality and relationship with God and the spirit world far deeper than I feel other cultures do, and I always appreciate the insights my African brothers and sisters offer me, even though we of course don't always agree. Anyway this particular sister and I have been praying a lot lately. While my prayers focus on brief thanks and mostly petitions, her prayers are always rich with descriptions of God and praise simply for who He is, what He has created, our lives, and affirming His power. The intercession takes a tithe of the prayer. At first this slightly disgruntled me, as I thought the intercession and request part the main point of the prayer. However, I've observed - and yes this will sound abrasively scientific - that people who focus on praise and venerating who God is have much more effective prayer lives. Not necessarily in getting what they want or ask for whenever they pray. But they are more at peace when the answer is 'No' or 'not yet' or differs in any way from their 'intentions' when they begin praying.
So I've started trying that in my prayers. Don't get me wrong, I do this not as a scientific experiment to see if I get what I want more when I pray or get quicker answers. But the last six months of my life keep taking such drastic twists and turns and emotional extreme rises and plunges. My analytical self can make no sense of any reason for any of this other than to drive me closer to the Father, and I can find no other assurance of peace of my obedience unless I am pursuing what may seem sometimes as a rather extreme pursuit of holiness, spiritual disciplines, and drawing close to the Father. I don't really feel free to explain in more detail what I mean, partially at the risk of seeming a braggart and partially due to the fact that I don't want to get flooded with well intentioned, concerned emails from those in different seasons of life. However, allow me to encourage you to do reading on Spiritual disciplines and start trying them. Believe me, they are DIFFICULT to do at first, so start small, but be persistent and diligent and soon it will simply become a way of life. "Behold, these things pass away, that others may replace them..."
Giving up things seems tragic at the time, but when replaced with what the Father has intended to fill the void, the nonsense is not exactly dissipated, but rather is redeemed.
"Entrust Truth, and thou shalt loose nothing; and thy decay shall bloom again, and all thy diseases be healed.... but they shall stand fast with thee, and abide forever before God, who abideth and standeth fast for ever."
To trust Truth seems ridiculously obvious but unfortunately is a horrible discipline sometimes.
Sometimes Faith takes the form of knowing that the impossible is going to come to pass. But the harder test of Faith is when all one can do is remove oneself completely from all but focusing on the Lord and growing in Him, the results of whatever is at the crossroads being seemingly ignored.
Anyway. Enough deep thoughts for the night. In other news, China is stalking me. Which is bizarre, because I have never in my life been surrounded by so much China as this week. The guy on my team - the only guy who came on this trip, brave soul. The rest are girls - spent eight months in China, and just came back to the States at the beginning of the Semester. Therefore, EVERYTHING is about China to him. The backpack is from China, Kentucky Fried Chicken in China serves Caramal Macchiato's apparently, whilst here all they serve is Dr. Pepper, shame shame. In China, they drive like this and use their horns correctly. In China, the mentalities are this way in comparison to the Serbians who think that way, or maybe they are similar. And since this particular fellow was a linguistic student/teacher, we get random words of Mandarin at odd times. For various reasons I know a smattering of Mandarin, and we've been comparing notes. God bless the boy but he is Tennessean (that was said for your sake, Dr. Deklavon!) and his accent and tones are... well, Tennessean. Which is fine, he just couldn't pass as a native were he to be talking on the phone.
The resturaunt we went to was Chinese last night, and the waiter who served us was from China and helped us pronounce the Mandarin on the back of the fortunes (why do they call them fortunes anymore? They're really cheesy proverbs now) we found in our cookies. Prideful moment: he did a double take when I said something and smiled and said I was really good.
And we passed a woman in the mall today who was advertising for an American company who is trying to preserve traditional Chinese dance.
I talked with her for a little and then the guy on my team came and they talked a little about where he was at in China (one of the lush, green areas, while she was from a northern, more harsher climate) and we learned a little about various Chinese and Mongolian dances. Both Kyle and I walked away wishing we could go - this lady was good at her job - but highly doubt we'll be able to convince the rest of the team to spend $40 apiece on Saturday and go home later. And not really sure I can afford that right now anyway. *dramatic sigh* Well, maybe next year I'll be able to afford Riverdance for the Orient. Its going to be at least in Cincinnati or Indianapolis, even if it doesn't run through my area again.
Alright, its 10:30 pm, I'm bushed, and we have another full day tomorrow with writing up reports, a few more interviews, then doing a presentation at a wednesday night prayer meeting and leading prayer for the nations and ministry in this area. Whew. I am not sure being a venerated, high-potential possible missionary is all its cracked up to be. At least nuns get cool outfits or habits or whatever they are called... can the seven of us Lottie Moons on this mission trip get like, I don't know, Baptist Shalwar Kamizs or something fun please?
~Princess Ouch~
Sounds like you continue to be streeetched = ). Praying for you!!
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