I have two very dear friends, who we'll call "Pamela" and "Sally." Both are from high-context, hot, shame-based cultures that are similar but still unique in their own ways. Sally is quite a bit older than Pamela, and see's herself as the local friendly matrona looking out for our well-being and offering gems of wisdom when she deems them necessary. Both Pamela and I love her to pieces, but have upon occasion pulled the other aside and asked the other to serve as a 'sounding board' as to how seriously we should take our dear elder.
As an American, I am from a low-context hot culture.
For those of you not studying anthropology, allow me to explain briefly before I continue my story:
High Context Culture: Usually a culture that is very very old, for example Asian or Arab cultures. They have been around for so long that things are defined to ridiculous details. (If one does not bow appropriately or offer the correct title when addressing people of various rank, insult ensues). These cultures are still very friendly but more challenging for people from
Low Context Cultures to understand. The reason being:
Low Context Culture: Usually a rather newer culture, such as American or Australian. There are still cultural distinctives that dictate when insult or compliments will be interpreted by certain interactions, but much more loosely defined. In other words, far more laid back. More polite to address elders by "Mrs" or "Mr" but not that big of a deal if it's "Mrs" "Ma'am" "Hey Wazzup!"
Hot Climate Culture: Focuses on the good of the group, or extended family. Emphasizes hospitality; friendly and outgoing. Most of my experience with hot climate cultures is that they talk a LOT. Think "My Big Fat Greek Wedding."
Cold Climate Culture: More individually focused, or if group-oriented the group is the family, usually immediate family. Often hospitality is an art or matter of honor, but not very personal. Keeps people at arms length until you get to know them very very very well (like, ten or twenty years well). Most of my experience with cold-climate cultures is that they are, as a group, more quiet and introverted people.
Shame Based Culture: "You have done this and therefore shamed our family's honor." An individuals actions do not effect simply the individual, but the group. Bad feelings come when the ramifications towards the group are considered. The goal is the good of the group, saving the group's honor.
Guilt Based Culture:
Individual focused. "I ought not to do this because it will effect
me in these ways." The goal is the individual's honor, the good of the individual.
O.k. so there is your anthropology lesson for the day. Now for some background to my story:
A lot of my learning at school has been focused around this saying:
"Learn the culture
to use the culture
to reach the culture."
Good lesson, but it has it's limits. Don't get me wrong, the top complaints I've heard against American missionaries is that they
~Don't make an effort to learn the culture and become culturally appropriate to contextualize in a functional, effective way
~Are selfish
~Are too extravagant in their lifestyles (Which stems from not acculturating and being selfish in my opinion)
I place very very high importance on being culturally relevant and appropriate. I love learning about different cultures, and as I've mentioned before have sensed something pushing/tugging/nudging me towards the more challenging cultures. HOWEVER:
Two things I've also realized through going through a period where I wanted to be so culturally appropriate that I dissolved into the culture and was no longer American was:
~All cultures are corrupted by Adam and Eve's fall in the Garden. There is no best or better culture. All cultures have nuances and traits that are detrimental and even at times evil. As Christians we cannot be blind to that fact. I don't mean be the missionary accused of ruining cultures for the sake of the Gospel. I mean be that missionary who helps sanctify a culture for Christ to be a better witness to the other cultures.
~God made each of us individuals in our home culture for a reason. To forsake that or give that up is, according to my conviction, ungodly. God wants to use our character traits in other cultures to show them things they would not have realized otherwise. People outside the situation can often see things that people in the situation are completely blind to. Thank God for that.
Okay so anyway today all these lessons kind of came to a head when I was given an opportunity to act on them:
Pamela bumped into me in the hallway, grabbed my hand and pulled me into a secluded alcove and asked me emphatically to pray for her. Of course I said I would, but asked what on earth was wrong.
Sally and Pamela had, once again, had a run-in. Something that, in my opinion, wasn't a big deal, but to Pamela was a very big deal as it slighted her integrity and honor in the eyes of another of her superiors. She was afraid her character would be questioned by another individual, and Sally had painted the situation to the superior in a way that put the whole weight of the matter on Pamela. There was no apparent reason for it. However, a little bit ago Sally had confessed to me that she was very frustrated and a little angry at Pamela for not respecting an admonition Sally had given her. It was an admonition I agreed with, but in Sally's mind it was a sin issue and in my mind it was a situational issue that would go away with time. I wasn't happy about the present situation but was fairly confident it was occurring for valid reasons.
It seemed as though the frustration and miscommunication was causing a snowball effect, making it miserable for Pamela to interact with Sally and apparently frustrating for Sally to interact with Pamela. I didn't tell all this to Pamela, because Sally had told me in confidence, but I knew that things were going south.
These two women were dear sisters of mine and each other, and all three of us loved each other.
"Pamela, things are getting rapidly worse between the two of you. I think you need to go sit down and talk with Sally about this."
"No! I cannot confront an elder! Because of culture, you know. Besides, I am a little bit afraid of Sally. She is so strong! But you know, there are others who are cutting contact with her because of this."
"Exactly, and you don't want that to happen between you two. You love Sally and you know that she loves you, and you don't want to loose her friendship over this."
"yes, that is true."
"Come on, let's pray now." I said. Pamela felt a little better after I put my arms around her and prayed, but I felt emboldened to speak some more, although as I did it I was sure roots of mountains were crumbling and the threat of being struck by lightning might be increasing.
"Look, I know that I am an outsider of your culture, and I don't understand everything. I don't want to encourage you to be culturally inappropriate or American or anything. BUT you know that all cultures are effected by sin, and all cultures have aspects that are not godly, even my own. The Bible says that when you have a problem with your brother or sister, you must go to him or her and resolve it. There is not peace between you and Sally. I will pray for an opportunity for you to talk about this in a culturally appropriate way. But I want to encourage you to
look for that opportunity."
"But she is
so strong, Rachel. So stubborn."
"Yes I know, and when you speak with her you must not be intimidated by this but use it. You say 'Sally, I am sad because I feel there is no peace between us. I don't want to be pushed away because of this. I want there to be happiness and peace, not frustration and anger. What can I do to help that happen?' Affirm her, tell her you love her. Show her that you
want her input and wisdom in your life, because you do. We both know how much she has helped each of us and how she
is wise in so many ways. And this way you are not
confronting her or telling her what to do or instructing her or in anyway questioning her eldership in your life. You are asking her to help you bring peace between the two of you. See what happens. But you
cannot let this continue out of control, because it is burdening you."
Pamela nodded and thanked me and scurried off as we both had things we needed to do.
Now I don't know that what I said was perfect, and I don't know that Pamela should follow my advice to a T. I think she should - and will - pray about what I've said and obey God's leading, not my own.
However, I am encouraged by this situation because for a long time I felt that to work in a high-context, shame based culture would be impossible and incredibly painful for me. I thought that my frank-to-a-fault self and brutal honesty would paint me in such a bad light that I couldn't and wouldn't be effective at all to those cultures should I ever go there. I was of the opinion that Asian cultures specifically would judge and not accept me.
Of course I am very well aware that all these things are still likely and applicable anywhere (shoot, that happens here in the States for crying out loud!). And I do recognize the need for me to curb my frankness and soften my directness more often than not.
But I also was encouraged that, when used biblically and powered by prayer, these traits are encouraging and helpful in these cultures I feared. They can in fact be used by God as tools to bring about edifying change that is much-needed, if used with humility.
So all that to say, still being stretched.
Sanctification. How deplorable!!!!
Yet at the same time, how necessary and encouraging.
~Princess Ouch~
