Final stretch of Summer Break

Summer break is drawing to a close; a fact made all the more real as I begin pulling out textbooks to finish my Theology J-term and start moving books from last year to make way for incoming schoolbooks for this year. On the one hand, I'm excited to get back into a schedule, to know what my week will generally look like, (to be able to post on my blog regularly again lol), to be forced to inhale knowledge & be challenged by new idea's and developed philosophies and alternate explanations for things I had always taken for granted, etc. etc.
On the other hand, I'm not looking forward to getting back into a rote schedule of my nose to the grindstone, trying to find that balance between schoolwork, work work, and having a social life; of trying to find the balance between taking advantage of living in such a christian-saturated environment and resenting being in a God-bubble that gets claustrophobic sometimes; of being constantly reminded that I am different no matter where I go and my non-conformist tendencies throw people into a conundrum in every setting I am ever in - which sometimes endears but usually just throws people for a loop.
There's a fine balance between owning the fact that as Christians we are to be set apart, but not elitist. How exactly one accomplishes this balance is not something I've solved yet, and I really don't think anyone ever does.
But I digress. I was really getting stressed about starting my Senior year, as I still have yet to solve this problem of completing a 3-5 month internship. To further complicate matters, my car won't stay on, and I don't have the resources to fix it just yet. However, no car = can't do an internship stateside. However, to do the internship overseas, I would have to either take a semester off, or 'graduate' but not receive my diploma until next fall. I kinda want my diploma when I walk.
So I called my friend in a crisis the other night, and she did a good job listening to me and then said at the end of my rant, 'Sounds like you are trying to make God into an 8-ball."
"What?!"
"You are so concerned with what to DO. But I don't hear you relaxing in God's Truth. Calm down. Has God ever let you down before? Doesn't He always pull you through? The question isn't 'will God come through' but 'how much are you going to panic before He does.'
Conviction. Wham.
So the last few days have been me see-sawing between externalizing my anxt about what is to come, and being constantly reminded through friends, a womens retreat, and music to relax and wait on the Lord.
Which sounds wonderful, but is a lot tougher to actually DO. My boyfriend said humorously that one of his biggest challenges so far in our relationships is trying to get my brain to just STOP and relax for a while, as it is always going! Yeah...
Anyway. Its been a great break, although entirely different from the other two summer breaks. The first one I spent in Romania and last summer I worked at a Christian camp. This year I bee-bopped around the Country, helping here and there, visiting, working, but not staying in the same place for more than a week at a time. Glorious to be able to travel around like that, and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to do it again so I'm glad I did it when I could.

Anyhoo I'm sort of rambling right now. I'll close with the final quotes from my J-term last week. Enjoy :-)

To protect the identities of those involved, I will preface this story this way: Long ago in a galaxy far far away, I was an interim pastor…

And I wanted to say (something mouthy) but I had a brief moment of sanctification and I didn’t.

Any of you want to go into the ministry? Teach six-grade boys. Student: Does this apply to girls? Prof: YES, teach six grade girls! It will make you or break you!

This kid kept throwing fig newtons at whoever walked out of the bathroom, and I said, ‘Dave, if you throw another fig newton at someone, I’m going to stuff one up your nose.’ Kid threw another newton, I threw him on the bed and stuffed one up his nose.

This woman said she was going to pick up some stuff from my store, and I knew that her father was the spitting image of Henry Kissenger. So I had very LOW expectations. Well, I was pleasantly surprised. And I looked at her and said, you know, tomorrow’s my birthday. I just moved here, you’re from here. Do you know of anything fun? And she said, well that’s funny the next day is my birthday.’ Now, I’m not very good, but I can do something we that! So my now-wife and I celebrated our birthdays together...

We were meeting as a youth group at a YMCA pool because that’s the only place with baptismal facilities for the youth group. But I thought we were just meeting for youth group, and so I forgot to bring my baptismal robe. The only thing I had in the car was an oversized LedZephlin t-shirt…

If there’s ever a nuclear takeover, only two things will survive: Cockroaches and Baptist Communion wafers. And ultimately the Cockroaches won’t survive because they won’t eat the wafers.

If you look at the Catechism, Purgatory is a place of burning. Most Catholics don’t know that. They think its dark and shadowy… not someplace you want to be. Kind of like Detroit. And the idea is that you gonna be there a while. Bring a lunch.

If I said, ‘honey I’m on my way home.’ And it took me 2 weeks to get home, I’d come home and find my books out in the front yard. Because she knows that I love my books the most, after her. I love my grandkids too, but they don’t live with us. Of all the things in my house, I love my wife first and then my books. Student: More than your cowboy boots? Prof: oooh…. Okay it’d be my books AND my cowboy boots. I forgot about those.

Chapter 19 is the Second Coming of Christ. When you read this chapter, this is like the Battle before the gates of Mordor! Mount Doom is about to fall! Gandalf and Aragorn have lifted up their swords, only there’s only ONE sword here, and that’s the Sword of the Lord!

I have granted my wife the privilege of disagreeing with me on any 3 theological issues of her choosing at one time. They can rotate, but they can’t be more than 3. Its very kind of me, I know. I’m just a kind-hearted guy.

Day 3 of Jterm

More quotes. Hopefully now you've not come to expect political correctness on this blog, so there ARE some inter-denominational jokes and barbs. HOWEVER, allow me to clarify that there wasn't animosity intended towards alternate creeds and doctrines, and we make fun of ourselves plenty as well in this group. :-)

I know some of you want to address the debate, but wait until we cover all the material and then we can argue.

Arminius is an interesting person; he probably isn’t given very fair treatment on this campus.

Do this. Go to lunch and think about it. This will either give you indigestion or just make you feel glorious.

Remember that we have this constellation of Biblical terms that point us to Salvation.

I was walking out the door and my father in law said ‘what are you going to preach on,’ and I said ‘sin’ and he said ‘are you for it or against it?’ *silence in the classroom* yeah I can tell ya’ll are tired. Then again, that is a really bad joke.

How did Casey Anthony find her way into our lecture, I’m not sure.

Say you really wanted to make chili. The root ingredient for chili is chili power. Say you got home from class and you really really wanted a pot of chili. But you got home and all you have is fish sticks, jello, cake mix, green beans, peas and chili powder. But you really want some chili so that’s your pot of chili. Okay. That bowl of nastiness is the English language: you’ve got all the crap from all these different languages that have nothing to do with each other!

We have two words in the English language for one concept because of this nature of English. We can’t ‘righteous-ize’ anyone but we can ‘justify’ someone.

We’ve all got issues. I’m sure no one in this room would key a car. I would never key a car. Well, I would key ONE car if I knew which one it was…

In this difficult situation, I’m kind of the “Ghost Busters” of intern pastors. Well, really, I just needed some new stories to tell in class.

When Luther was young, he was always fasting etc. so he was very very thin. But as he got older he got more prominent. It’s like old Elvis, young Elvis… young Buddha, old Buddha, young Brand, old Brand.

Luther had a messy desk. In fact, he had a messy everything. When he married his wife, she discovered that the bed was full of mold. Luther was big, bold and messy. Calvin was short, quiet and ordered. Luther was the barbarian, Calvin was the bureaucrat.

When my kids were young, they gave me loving adoration. Then when they got older I just became the ATM machine. ‘Hey, ya got $20?’

You aren’t like the Moabites, the amalakites, the parasites or the mosquito bites. I normally don’t tell jokes but this is a long day so I gotta keep your attention somehow.

Edward the 1^st of England was raised to be a real hard-core protestant. On his crib was a bumper-sticker that said ‘I heart Martin Luther.’ I mean, real hard core. Then Mary came and she was a nut for Catholicim. So Elizabeth who had grown up watching her nut of a father, then her nut zealous brother, and then her catholic nutty sister, finally came onto the thrown and said, ‘NO NUTS! We’re gonna go right down the middle!’

Prof: Did anyone do anything exciting this summer?

Student: Well, my girlfriend (sitting next to him) and I got engaged!

P: Yeah you look engaged. I’ve been watching you act engaged all day. You know how engaged people are. They lean over and whisper things to each other and peek at each others notes. Wow, son you are as red as a ripe tomato!

Remember, Augustine believed in Limbus Infantium. Not quite as good as Chucky Cheese, but what do you do.

If Calvinists have their tulip, then Armenians have their daisy. “He called me, He called me not.” Sorry it’s a bad joke, but in a J-term I gotta have some way to keep your attention on the discussion.

When I was a kid they’d say, ‘be good or you won’t get the mansion on the hill, you’ll get the shack down in the valley by the river.’ Well when I was a kid I liked to fish, so I thought well that’s fine with me. Who wants a mansion anyway, have to dust all that stuff!

Okay, you know how I love the King James Version. Now I’m going to quote it, and I’m going to say a word, and it’s IN THE BIBLE. But if you need to run out of the room after I’m done quoting and go… scream or something, feel free.

I know it’s a weird story. But it’s in the Bible.

My generation is different from yours. We had the ‘ick’ factor: ewww how icky! Your generation looks at it more, ‘well, it’s not biblical, so what do we do.’ But you don’t have that shock at the abnormality.

J-term

Quotes so far from the Prof, who always wears a suit, a silver belt-buckle, and snakeskin cowboy boots, quotes Church Fathers left and right from memory, and delves into the etymology of theological Latin and Greek vocabulary words on the white board. My room mate and I are taking Theology 3 this week as a J-term. Yes, I know. We're brave souls. :-D Anyway these quotes are from the first fourth of the first day. :-)

The reason why I haven’t listed the grader’s e-mail is that he just got married, and I’m not using him. He’ll be worthless for a couple of months.

I’ve served as the head of every ministerial position in a church imaginable… except the WMU. Gender issues kind of complicate that. Well, with the way things are today, that might not be an issue anymore.

I am deeply familiar with the depravity of students. Because I was one myself.

We’ll deal with a controversial subject first. We’ll get our blood-letting done early on a Monday. (Doctrine of Election)

With some of these theology students, its almost like you gotta lock ‘em into a room, feed ‘em good teaching under the door and file off their fangs… not let them out until you’ve calmed them down.

Apparently Abram’s wife was a pretty foxy lady – turning heads even at the age of 90. You know, I saw this (famous person) the other day, and she looks pretty good even at the age of 56. You all probably don’t think that… don’t get me wrong, my wife looks better!

My grandkids are in the ‘noun’ stage, - where they want me to help them identify things. “Whassat?” “That’s Poppy’s car… by the way (students), its Dr. Poppy to you!” Eventually they move from the Noun stage to the Verb stage, ‘WHY do you do this.” And eventually you just say ‘Because’ because you know that there will NEVER BE AN END until they fall asleep. And ‘why’ stage isn’t the end. After THAT comes ‘why NOT’ a year later!

Why did God choose Israel? Well some people say it’s because He knew Israel would be faithful. Really?! Have you READ the rest of the Old Testament?!

Judges 3 is a GREAT story for little boys. By the way, the book of Judges isn’t like Judge Judy in a black robe. These are charismatic warriors!

Judges 3 is one of those passages that you’ve got to read in the King James. When Ehud thrusts the sword into the wicket King and the flab covers the handle, the KJV says, ‘until the dirt came out.’ Obviously it wasn’t REAL dirt… Even in those days they had euphamisms for embarrassing activities. The euphemism for ‘going to the bathroom’ or relieving oneself was ‘he’s covering his feet.’